COMING FOR MONEY by F.W. vom Scheidt

August 11, 2009 - One Response

Coming for Money

Title:  Coming for Money
Author: F.W. vom Scheidt
Publisher: Blue Butterfly Book Publishing
Genre: Literary Fiction
Language: English
Purchase at Amazon

Some days it felt like the money left blood on my hands.

Not the weary allusion to the stains of Iscariot.

Sometimes, when my complex calculations penetrated its sly whispers of profit, like the smears on the latex gloves of a surgeon probing a body laid open and breathing beneath sure fingers.

Sometimes, when I pounded its promises into the phone, like the flecks blown back into the clenched knuckles of an assassin working too close to the throat.

Most often like seared blisters blossoming from the soft centre of your palms when working wood or rope without the protection of leather, because the devastating urgency of profit or loss arrived as a crisis in a storm and you had no other choice but to grapple with it to the exclusion of everything else; lose your grip, lose your life.

That was always how I visualized it, the money—as a storm raging: billowing from one trading market in the world to another as the sun passed from Tokyo to Hong Kong, relentless in its advance to Frankfurt, across the Channel to London, and then on to New York and Toronto, and continually westward to Asia again. Sudden squalls at opening bells that drove us, investment bankers, like ardent navigators at lurching helms, whipping the financial markets up into floods of trading, and then passing, on the closing bell, without pause or caring or conscience.

Always, the pace of it made me feel I was vanishing into myself.

Why I could never quit—when I was so unremittingly reminded by the velocity of the money that there was no end; that there were no enduring winners or losers; that, finally, no one prevailed; and that, like the process of life itself, nothing was permanent—I was unable to fully understand, despite my rigid pursuit of an answer.

My understanding always remained hemmed in by my recognition that I was better at it, the money, than anything else I did. Skilled. I could manipulate it with my intellect. Shave a single investment transaction into a hundred layers, thin as onion skin, translucent, all the profit and loss exposed. Then remould them into a solution, dead simple, unerringly profitable.

And sometimes I could operate on instinct fleeter than intellect, my feet never having to touch the ground.

But none of it was meaningful enough to explain why I kept hanging on. That was all I was doing any more. My determination to succeed reduced to a determination not to surrender.

I sat in my office.

Alone.

I let my fingertips leave the arms of my chair to touch the rim of my desk with both hands meeting, attempting to complete myself in the circle of their joining. The slight nervous habit had become a trusted routine for holding myself firm in a pulling tide of unease.

I was tired. I needed to sleep; not just wait out the night, a pit of hollow shadows and scraps of dreams when I closed my eyes.

I needed to stop moving. I needed to stop feeling that, like a shark, I had to have continuous restless movement to maintain my breathing.

I caught myself listening to the curtain of stillness in the empty office. Everyone had long departed. In their departure, the daily accumulation of noise and vibration and frenzy had been deflated out of the rooms and cubicles and corridors. The cleaning staff, with their hum of carpet vacuums and soft whoosh of emptied paper shredders, had already trooped through. The lull pushed back against my listening.

It was almost ten, the leavings of the day shrinking towards midnight.

I shoved my heels out beneath my desk, lifting myself on them, and leaned back into my chair. I stretched savagely, striking jagged pain into my knees and shoulders, attempting without success to dispel the doubts seated within me, as unbreakable as stones.

Dropping back down, I looked to the creased calendar page of my desk diary. Days fenced within squares—neither their number nor their duration to be altered despite my wanting. Seven months to this day since it happened, leaving me with lop-sided anniversaries: Friday bending each week; the twenty-first day bringing a false stop to each month. And also leaving me pursued by an internal voice that had begun speaking within me since that day (reduced to “that day” by the voice). An unfamiliar voice, maybe reclaimed from an invented self of distant childhood, it leaked through the cracks and gaps between my thoughts.  I could not turn it off the way I turned my thoughts off, or turned them to something else; persistent, sceptical, the voice crowded my thoughts with words I could not speak out loud to anyone.

Tonight, the voice stalked my solitude, interrupting my thoughts each time they began to settle, causing a flutter of fear within me, like a sharp noise jerking me awake just as I was falling asleep. It fed a stubborn suspicion that it was becoming possible for me to lose my grip on my ambition and accomplishments, and let my interrupted life diminish to nothing.

Sitting there, edgy and worn, I tried to dispel the voice and prove it false, tried to prove my life still had some substance by compiling a mental list of my achievements. I was hard pressed to show anything for the past seven months; baskets without bottoms that the days had fallen through, and were then lost. Lately, I had tried to fabricate some refuge within a detached acceptance: in the end, what did anybody have to show for the time before their lights went out? But that was an open-ended question that brought me no closer to any answers. Nor did it serve me tonight with any fresh truth.

My day was run out. My week was run out. I felt no further from my past, no closer to my future.

Outside the tall narrow windows, with the surrounding office towers gone mostly cold and black, the darkness folded around the glass, squeezing in the light, turning my gaze back at me.

Within, my computer screen cast feathery ripples of brightness that lapped at my wrists. Its metallic incandescence seemed a digital fire, keeping predators at bay. It also brought forth an enticing murmur of distant bonds and treasury bills that trolled through my idleness, luring up the darting fish of my trading reflexes.

I tapped up a cluster of Bloomberg screens that tracked twenty-four hour global futures and foreign exchange markets, the incoming trades stacking up for execution on a Monday morning that would begin in Asia while we remained stuck behind the starting gate on Sunday night.

The procession of numbers painted a series of portraits. A Tokyo stock market that would sweat under the exertion of massive trading volumes in its opening hour. Currency markets in Singapore and Hong Kong that would take faltering initial steps in their pursuit of the previous week’s money trails. The luminous computer screens giving me windows into a day not yet arrived in the world. One window tumbling onto the next at the command of my impatient fingertips, like cards dealt from a deck.

The screens were alive with stacks of iridescent numerals that popped and jiggled like electric fleas spilled from an open box, and with fluorescent sticks of lightning undulating up and down on charts and graphs; all monitoring and measuring, in ceaseless statistics and averages and returns, the vital pulse of the money. In this through-the-looking-glass image of commerce and trade, there was no evidence of human life—only the outcome of harvests taken from fields or minerals hauled from mine shafts, loaded onto trains and ships, processed in plants and factories; sold; and repeatedly sold again; no sense of intent, no sense of labour, no sense of use—only a precise chronicle of the profit and loss that accrued at each stage.

Flipping through more screens produced a rainstorm of numbers and computations: bonds bought, stocks sold, currencies traded this day, wheat and corn to change hands next month, gold and silver promised for delivery at year end.

In the hyperactivity of the numbers there was a powerful pornography of betting and winning or losing, lurid and selfish and seductive. I drew the flow into myself, inflating my veins and arteries with the short-lived tension of profit and loss, an invalid plasma without sufficient substance to sustain life.

When I became aware of the telephone buzzing on the corner of my desk, I knew I had, within those moments, become so deeply entangled in the screens I had missed the initial trills.  My direct line flashed. I reached quickly, awkwardly off balance from bending so deeply into my computer screen. Racing my gummy tongue across the day’s accumulation of coffee on my teeth, I scooped up the handset and closed it to my face.

“This is Paris,” I answered.

I listened intently, without interrupting, repeatedly pressing my upper teeth against my lower.

“Okay,” I replied. “Do it. Do it now.”

Without waiting for any response, I hung up.

And my hands?

I let them hang, jittery at my wrists, static in my fingertips

I could not go away from who I was.

THE TARGET by J.R. Hauptman

August 10, 2009 - 2 Responses

The Target

Title:  The Target: Love, Death and Airline Dregulation
Author: J.R. Hauptman
Publisher: Caddis Publishing
Genre: Murder Mystery
Language: English
Purchase at Amazon

The hunter stood silently in the predawn darkness. He carefully kneaded the half-frozen toes within his boots by subtly shifting his weight from side to side on the carefully packed snow beneath his skis.

The rifle he carried was designed and equipped to wrench the life from a half-ton bull elk with a single shattering blow. However, it would not spill nor savor the blood of a Sawtooth monarch on this frigid morning. The quarry was much larger game.

Ivan Jasonovich crushed the packet of the chemical hand warmer and slipped it quietly into the palm of his lightly gloved right hand. He curled his fingers around the packet and stuffed that hand into the side pocket of his parka, relishing the soothing warmth. The left hand was encased in a silk inner glove within a cozy down mitten. The fingers of this hand did not require the mobility and delicate touch of the right.

Keeping still in the cold was always the worst part of hunting big game, thought Ivan. Hunting birds or small game, one could always move and stretch the aching muscles and cold-soaked appendages to keep the blood circulating. Even in a lousy duck blind there were ways to keep warm. He smiled as he recalled the wary look in the eyes of the little brown Lab bitch as he pulled her up between his legs and wrapped his arms around her.

“It’s alright Koko,” he remembered comforting the pup, “My intentions are noble. Besides, you’re spayed.”

Ivan’s hunting stand lay just below the crest of a small ridge timbered with blue spruce. It overlooked a fifty yard section of cross country ski trail bounded on both ends by right angle curves. The trail pitched uphill from Ivan’s left to his right.

Farther to his left, the terrain fell off into a somewhat steep gully which led to a small glade supporting a moderate growth of mixed aspen and spruce trees. This was the escape route which led to his truck, parked a mile distant in a copse of spruce off the side of the Forest Service road that provided access to this part of the National Forest. The tracks of his escape would not be readily discernable from the ski trail.

Attached to his boots were army surplus mountaineering skis with cable bindings. The price he had paid for them was not the sole reason for their choice. With the cable loops free of the skis, Ivan could glide cross country style, with ground eating strides and even climb hills. With Ivan’s heels locked down, he could ski downhill fairly well in the deep powder snow of the glade. The skis were designed for an infantryman, to allow him to shoot and to move.

Ivan’s ambush was set for one cold-blooded purpose, which became colder by the minute. Ivan was here to kill Carlo Clemenza.

There would be at least one bodyguard, probably two. Carlo never so much as went to the can without his goons. Chances were, they wouldn’t be very good skiers, since most of them were Texans. Ivan prayed that Carlo had hired no Sun Valley locals to accompany him this morning.

Ivan’s former life as an airline pilot had afforded sufficient time and resources for him to become an expert in both alpine and cross country skiing. He had been good enough to instruct and to race for the company ski team. Even at forty-five, his six foot frame was fit and mostly lean. He was confident that he could wax any recreational skier in the deep powder.

The cold seemed to become most bitter as the rosy glow widened in the eastern sky. It was then that Ivan became aware of another presence within his sensory range. Before his consciousness could register, he felt the hackles rise on his neck and the tingling spread down his back and into his buttocks muscles.

Was there the bare suggestion of a sound to his left rear? Without turning his neck, he deliberately focused his senses in that direction, shifting his upper torso a micro degree. His left ear strained to detect any hint of sound through the earflap of his hat in the roaring silence.

There was no sound, but the primal sensation grew stronger. He had often felt a variation of this sensation in the field in the moments before coming upon another hunter. This, however was a three-bell alarm, like have the radar from a Surface to Air Missile locked on your bird. The last time he had felt this level of intensity was years earlier, as he was on final approach to a quiet helicopter landing zone that was about to become very hot. Ivan was within the range of a human predator. Ivan Jasonovich the hunter, might soon become the prey.

* * *
Ivan had not come to Sun Valley to ski nor to kill Carlo Clemenza. The situation had evolved by chance. He had come to Idaho to hunt elk in the Bitterroot Range. Even an out-of-work airline pilot needed a vacation now and then and besides, he could use the meat, he had rationalized.

He had stopped in Ketchum on a whim. He had heard that Dirk Sloat, an old comrade and one of his contemporaries at Centennial Airlines currently owned a share of a bar in Ketchum that catered to the ski crowd at Sun Valley. It would provide a welcome break in the trip to swap flying tales and gossip over a shot and a beer.

This was not a close friendship, but like the majority of the pilot group at old Centennial, the bonds of camaraderie were welded in a special way by two bitter years on the picket lines of a labor struggle.

Richard Durkham Sloat III had learned his trade as a Navy attack pilot and had flown A-4 Skyhawks in that elite band of aviators who first flew off carriers in the Gulf of Tonkin. He was extremely handsome; he had finely chiseled features, a golden tan, pearly white teeth and jet black hair that was graying appropriately at the temples.

Ivan was quite fond of Dirk but he was secretly jealous of his good looks. Most women were turned on by just looking at the garrulous Naval Aviator. Ivan vented his jealously through needling Dirk about his choice of women. Dirk would show up with a knockout on his arm and Ivan would pull him aside and query the life long bachelor as to whether he had been blinded by love into considering marriage or had he merely failed to buy a license for his pet. Dirk would become personally defensive at Ivan’s remarks but strangely, he would not become protective of his date. Ivan suspected that Dirk actually had little use for any woman aside from getting her into the sack. Dirk was a predator of another sort.

“Anyway,” Sloat would boast, “you don’t have to be good looking when you’re suave and debonair”, purposely mispronouncing the words, “swave “ and “deboner.”

If Dirk had a vice other than women, it would be food. This endowed him with barrel chest that extended from just below his neck to a point somewhere south of his belt. he drank to nearly the point of excess, but to him, booze was merely another form of nutrition.

When Ivan drove his truck past the Hailley airport on the road to Ketchum, he noticed a Centennial Airlines DC-9 parked on the ramp. It was one of the older models inherited from Lone Star Air after the merger, but this one had a new paint job and shined like a new penny. He noted the registration number N999CA, painted in gilt-edged black paint on its flank.

“My God,” he thought; “they’re everywhere now”.

He speculated as to why Centennial might be here in the far west other than to bleed the commuter airlines that operated the marginally profitable feeder routes and ski charters to Salt Lake City and Boise.

“Probably a charter,” he mused.

“Here’s Ketchum Idaho, Old Chev,” he said aloud to his truck a few miles farther. “Now take us to Sloat’s watering hole. Should we start with the fern bar at Das Gasthaus oder Der Alt Vest Zallone?” He lapsed into pidgin German.

“Actually,” he continued. “Maybe we should start at the ski shops.”

Dirk Sloat was an excellent alpine skier, having instructed at several ski resorts both as a college student and later in his airline days. He didn’t race though; racing was too much like hard work, especially the heavy going in the bumps and ruts. But put Dirk on the carefully groomed ballroom slopes of Vail or Sun Valley and he was poetry in motion. He was even filmed once in a Warren Miller movie, skiing deep powder.

“Sitzmark Sports!” He grimaced as he wheeled into a tight parking spot in front of the shop, nearly cutting off a black BMW with tinted glass that had suddenly appeared from a side alley. “This is it!”

The perfumed scent of hot ski wax engulfed him as he entered the ski shop. The floor in the front of the shop was clogged with numerous racks of haute couture ski clothing. The checkout counter was located near the rear of the store near the rows of skis and equipment. The whine of an electric drill emanated from a doorway near the counter. That would be where the shopman was located.

Craning his neck around the doorjamb, Ivan spied the ski mechanic bent over his work bench, intently calibrating the placement of the bindings on a lovely pair of giant slalom shaped Rossi’s. A pot of hot wax simmered on a nearby table. He waited until the shopman straightened and acknowledged his presence.

“That’s a right nice pair of ‘Long Cruisers’ you got there,” offered Ivan.

“Yeah, I don’t get too many calls for two-fifteens anymore,” replied the shopman, an old-timer of at least twenty-five years.

“I won’t take too much of your time; I’m looking for a fellow by the name of Dirk Sloat who supposedly runs a bar here in Ketchum.”

“Well sir,” replied the lad; “you have just found his skis. Mr. Sloat has been screaming at me for the past two days to get these bindings mounted up. We’ve had powder snow all week. He will be here at five PM sharp to rescue these precious beauties.”
It was then about noon.

“Uh, I don’t think I want to wait that long,” said Ivan with mock seriousness. “Perhaps you could tell me how to get to his drinking establishment.”

“Try Die Schwarzwalder; two blocks over and a block north,” replied the ski mech, motioning and returning to his bench.

“Why, thank you sir.”

“Thanks for coming in,” replied the shopman, not looking up.

As Ivan headed for the door, a clothing rack loaded with racing pants caught his eye.
“Can I help you find something, sir?” A pert blonde ski bunny sporting a Rocky Raccoon facial tan appeared from nowhere.

“No thanks, I’m just admiring the Bogners,” replied Ivan. “I’m going to wait until I can get a pair for the price of a used Mercedes.”

Now I see why Sloat does his shopping here, he mused. As he turned to leave, Ivan nearly knocked down a patron who had just entered the store.

“I’m sorry, sir,” he offered as he reached out and steadied the new customer; “I wasn’t looking.”

Their gaze locked momentarily, but only Ivan’s eyes registered any reaction. The large blue eyes which stared impassively back at his were those of Carlo Clemenza.

“Quite alright,” replied Carlo politely and brushed past him toward the cross country ski equipment.

“Do you mind if I browse?” Ivan asked the bunny.

“Not at all,” she replied as she vanished.

Ivan moved toward a wall stacked high with sweaters and leaned against the counter to steady himself.

Carlo Clemenza! What in hell is he doing here in Sun Valley? A flood of emotions welled up within him. Rage and hatred, surely. Was there also fear? The pent up fury of five miserable and exasperating years swept over him. This was the person who had in fact, directed the fortunes of his life for that time and his luck had been anything but good. Six years before, he had been just another complacent, overpaid jet jockey with no complaint about life’s offerings, other than to bitch about the crew meals and layover hotels and how hard it was to hitch a free ride to the airline ski weeks.

This was the one-man wrecking crew that had taken the once proud Centennial Airlines into bankruptcy and emerged as the cut rate scavenger of the industry! This was the man, who had for all purposes, ended Ivan’s lifetime career as an airline pilot and who had thrown his life into complete turmoil.

A woodsy looking sales clerk with a nineteen-seventies mustache and wire rimmed glasses appeared in the cross country section.

“Can I help you find something?” he asked Carlo.

Ivan heard Carlo mention something about gaiters.

“Will you be skiing in deep snow or mostly on the trail?” The clerk asked, morphing into his sales pitch.

“Mm,” Carlo grunted noncommittally.

Woodsy Granola Man led Carlo to a glass shelf stacked high with the nylon leg protectors and launched into his lecture on the relative merits of gaiters.

Barely acknowledging his tutor, Carlo pulled a pair of forest green gaiters from the stack and bent to hold them against his shin. These he tossed back on the shelf and selected another pair. Satisfied now with the length and fit of these, Carlo left the lecturer in mid-sentence concerning the merits of one hundred denier nylon and strode quickly to the cash register. On the way, he picked up a pair of yellow bicycling goggles.

Carlo Clemenza paid for his purchases in cash and left the store as abruptly as he had entered.

Ivan waited by the sweaters for a minute to compose himself, then he ambled from the store. He turned the corner into the alley as a wave of nausea swept over him. As he walked to his truck, the black BMW passed in the street. Three figures were in the car which sported an Avis sticker on the rear bumper. The driver was Carlo Clemenza.

* * *
Ivan the Hunter had by now managed to slowly rotate his body nearly thirty degrees to the left. His slitted eyes were downward cast and pivoted another seventy-five degrees to their peripheral limit. He cautiously allowed his head to swing another ten degrees left. These cautious and deliberate actions allowed him to begin the survey of his left rear quarter.

He cautioned himself against looking directly at the areas he needed to evaluate. This technique he had learned from hunting big game. The game animal recognizes the power of the predator’s stare, and pinpoints his location. For safety, Ivan had to assume that this human predator had by now sensed his own presence, but he hoped the other hunter had not succeeded in determining an exact location.

His indirect observation had another advantage. It was a technique that infantrymen learned in night fighting. If one looked below and to the side of a targeted area, he could more easily discern the shapes and forms of natural or human prey. He knew certainly that he would not see the clear form of a human hunter standing in a clearing. A professional would be well concealed and camouflaged. He must search for a boot; a hand; a human part in the natural wild.

Ivan focused his attention on evaluating the terrain to his left rear. There was no area which would provide an escape route as satisfactory as the gully and glade. The opposite side of the gully was not pitched as steeply as his side. It would provide an easier, though potentially not as quick access to the glade.

The thought struck Ivan that the killer in his proximity would place a high priority on observing the ski trail. If you were a professional who possessed instincts more sharply honed than those of Ivan Jasonovich, where would you be?

He slowly and deliberately allowed his head and eyes to center on his front. By swinging his eyes to their right limit, he could observe the trail as it crested the curve on the ridge. He had selected this stand for the ease with which he could survey this complete stretch of trail from curve to curve. He had to hope that this killer had done the same. The curve on the right was some thirty yards distant; probably the limit for a bodyguard with a small handgun. Even if the killer had chosen the same view of the trail and was armed with a rifle, he would not be much more than thirty yards to his left and ten degrees to the rear.
He once again centered his eyes before initiating the slow arc to the left. At ten degrees of the arc, an area caught his attention and he concentrated his search; three large spruce, with a clump of new spruce growth near the bases of the larger trees. There was no comparable cover within fifteen yards; it must be the three spruce. His silent search took a more frantic pace.

If the killer’s stand was in the spruce, his position was most vulnerable. How to escape? He had counted on having a second or two after he shot Carlo to sling another shot down the trail. In two and a half quick steps, he could make his left one-eighty and push off for the gully. He would have no time for that with this killer, most likely one of Carlo’s bodyguards in such close proximity. He would have to attempt a kick turn; an archaic wooden ski maneuver wherein he would be required to kick his left ski up and forward and flop it down reversed; then step over and reverse the right. If executed in a smooth series of motions, he could build some energy for a racer’s start down the steep side of the gully.
Strangely, he allowed his mind to wander and he recalled a ski race here at Sun Valley years ago. Don Braddock, the macho hot shot racer from Crescent Air had ended his warm-up ritual in the starting gate by tripping himself, falling through the start wand and winding up three feet down the course; disqualified. Ivan stifled a chuckle.

The incongruity of the situation then struck him; was this simply paranoia? “Jeez”, he nearly thought aloud, “is this situation real or has my brain turned to rice curd?” Was this a practical joke played upon him by a brain grown weary of stress and abuse?

Almost carelessly, he allowed his gaze to return to the area of the three spruce. The hackles on his neck then rose to their full extent and a spasm took control of his rectal sphincter. Slightly above and to the left of the clump of new growth spruce was the hint of two symmetrically straight shadows. After all, the brain of even an old amateur ski racer should certainly be able to recognize ski tracks!

How many more professional killers did Carlo have planted along this deadly trail? Killing Carlo Clemenza was lost among the myriad of thoughts furthest from his mind. Ivan’s total being focused on his personal survival.

* * *

The whimsy of the situation struck Ivan as he made his way to Die Schwarzwalder. Perhaps he was one up on Carlo from when he cut him off with his truck as he pulled out from the alley at the ski shop. Minor chagrin took some of the edge off his triumph when he pondered that had he been a second or two later, he might have broad sided the BMW. Oh well, let’s gratefully accept the small victory, he thought. After all, the Beemer was a rental and the economic damage to Carlo would have been slight. Still, had he T-Boned the luxury car, it might have broken his swarthy little neck.

Dirk Sloat was leaning casually against the bar, crooning sweetly to a statuesque brunette seated opposite him with her legs crossed. Attired in silver-grey warm-ups and a white turtleneck, she gazed up raptly at Dirk across the bar. Her mouth hung slightly open in the beginnings of a smile and her right foot twitched furiously.

Ivan sidled up to the bar unnoticed and mumbled, “Uh, sir. Could you spare a cold beer for an old war veteran?”

Dirk turned and stared blankly for a split-second, then howled, “Ivan the Terrible Yah-Sonabitch! How in the Hell are yah?”

Sloat’s wolfish grin spread from ear to ear as they shook hands warmly. His face was evenly tanned. Dirk never wore goggles when he skied; he had a pair of lightly tinted and rimless aviator style sunglasses for that purpose.

“Name’s Ee-von Ya-so-NO-vitch and I don’t speak Yiddish. How’s your hammer hangin’?” replied Ivan, enjoying the snide airline banter immensely.

“All the time now, after fifty.” Unable to compete with the male bonding ritual, the brunette had by now split, totally unnoticed by Dirk. “What are you doing here in Sun Valley?”

“Just looking for a big, ex-Navy stud with the handle o’ Deep Sloat,” lisped Ivan.
On cue, Dirk’s left hand went to the protruded hip; his right elbow swiveled outward and the large hand dangled at the wrist. Instantly, the very picture of masculinity was transformed into that of a flaming faggot.

“If you’re seeking studs, Valle del Sol is absolutely the primo place,” Dirk hissed like a pit full of cobras.

“I came to deliver your skis,” jibed Ivan. “They fell off the Sitzmark delivery van and got run over in the street. They’ll be OK though; I repainted the tops for you, bottoms too.”

“Goddamit,” roared Dirk, his macho persona returning, “I bought those skis last week and they’re just now getting around to mounting them. I missed two days of powder waiting for them. I tried my old clunkers for a day, but got fed up and quit!”

“Actually Dirk, I’m on my way up to the Bitterroots to hunt elk,” said Ivan. “I thought I would buy both of us a double shot of cognac if you could provide something to wash it down.”
“What’ll you have, pard?” asked the big man. “You drink that German crap, don’t you?”
“Yessir, I’ll take a Beck’s dark,” answered Ivan. “I have some hot gossip for you too.”
Dirk left and returned shortly cradling two snifters of Courvoisier and Ivan’s beer and glass in his huge hands.

“Bring me a water back!” he bellowed over his shoulder.

“Ein Prosit!” Toasted Ivan, raising the snifter and swirling the cognac.

“Lint in your flight kit,” retorted Dirk as both men savored the drink and the moment.

“You’ll never guess who I ran into over at the Sitzmark,” offered Ivan.

Dirk’s features clouded ever so slightly. “Oh Carlo? Yeah, he comes up here and skis cross country to stay in shape for his marathons. They say he likes the high altitude for training.”

“I saw one of his old Lone Star ‘Nines down at the airport. Is that his?” queried Ivan.

“Yeah,” Dirk answered carefully and quietly; “He has his scabs driving him around up here in the northwest.” They are having a hell of a time up here with the service; Portland and Seattle especially. Of course they won’t pay their people anything but dirtbag wages, so they can’t keep the decent ones.”

Ivan found himself having to pry information from Dirk. “Is he up here often?”

“Prob’ly comes through here a couple times a week,” Dirk answered laconically.

Ivan was puzzled as the warmth ebbed from their meeting Usually the mere mention of Carlo Clemenza was enough to set Dirk off in an hour-long harangue, capped off by an appeal for all mankind and the universe for someone to shoot the sonofabitch. Ivan took another tack.

“How’s it going for you, Dirk?”

“Pretty good, really. The bar business is great in the winter; that is, when you can keep the local help from stealing you blind; and the summers aren’t bad. Mostly Californians and they do have some bucks,” he answered. “How ‘bout yourself?”

“Well,” sighed Ivan; “I managed to lose only half of my retirement fund in the travel agency business. The margins are much too slim; the airlines are constantly cutting the fares and the commissions go down. The corporate accounts will low ball you to death. I managed to sell out and not lose it all.”

“Are you going to go back to flying?” Dirk was listening intently.

“I have several applications out with the majors and I’ve talked to some of the non-skeds and the FAA,” Ivan replied; “Trouble is, I’m a little too old for the majors and the non-scheduled carriers don’t want to spend the money to train you if you aren’t current or qualified on their airplanes. The feds are really hurting for air carrier inspectors, so that might be the best shot.”

“It’ll work out, big fellow,” Dirk said, the warmth back in his voice.

“Hope so.” Then, regretting the next question before he had finished speaking. “Have you heard from Kristi?”

“Last I heard, she was in New York with SAS,” came Dirk’s curt reply; the storm front again crossing his countenance. Then, shifting his attention, “Here comes my partner.”
A studious looking balding man of about forty approached them from behind the bar. His mild manner and bland facial appearance was belied by the athletic grace with which he moved.

Ivan, meet my partner Charlie McDonough,” Dirk introduced them, “Charlie, this is Ivan Jasonovich.”

“Nice to meet you, Ivan,” Charlie seemed pleasant enough. “Were you with Dirk in the service or with the airlines?”

“Oh, we skied a lot together,” Ivan startled himself with his own evasiveness. His instinctual alarm system screamed for him to be on guard with this seemingly innocuous person.

Charlie was looking very directly at Ivan as he spoke to Dirk.

“Dirk, the liquor wholesaler from Idaho Falls is here. Can you take care of him while I handle the front?”

“Gotta go, old chum; are you going to stay over?” It was not an invitation.

“No,” lied Ivan; “I have to get some work done on my country before I head into the back country; I want to be in Boise tonight.”

They exchanged goodbyes, shook hands briefly and Ivan left the bar. He squinted as he stepped into the afternoon sunlight. What a dumbass thing to say, he thought. Kristi Berg was a very sore subject with Dirk. She had been the nearest thing to a genuine love affair to occur in Dirk’s life. They had met when she worked as a flight attendant supervisor for Centennial and broke off when she discovered the difficulty of dealing with a crew of flight attendants wherein it was rare indeed that at least one of the females had not bedded down with Dirk. She then chose a career path outside of flight operations and during the bankruptcy period, she rose rapidly through the mid-levels of Centennial management.
Then came the rumors that Carlo was developing an appreciation for more than her executive potential. It therefore, did not take long for Kristi to develop an impressive list of enemies in the upper management at Centennial. She suddenly resigned and the last Ivan had heard, she worked as a flight attendant for a charter outfit.

The story was typical, Ivan reflected. Carlo was willing to spend millions on lawyers, CPA’s and crooked judges. But with the possible exception of Bill Bates, his right hand man; the managers he hired were sycophants and yes men. Talented managers soon burned out and left for greener and more fulfilling pastures.

What puzzled Ivan most, was Dirk Sloat’s reluctance to discuss Carlo. Perhaps if he ignored Carlo’s presence, he wouldn’t be compelled to take action. Then again, every ski area to some extent depends on commercial air service to supply skiers and vacationers and it wouldn’t do to offend the Sun Valley business community, especially if Carlo contemplated increased air service to the area.

At the root of Ivan’s psyche, a seed cast years before felt the heat that resulted from the rekindling of powerful emotions. It had lain in the fertile soil of experience and needed only a few random stimuli to achieve germination. Kill Carlo. Fate and opportunity seemed at times to have more impact on the outcome of events than did careful planning. Carlo would have probably not had the opportunity to take over Centennial had the stock price not dipped dramatically as the result of the ‘81 flight attendant strike. The West Pacific merger would then have surely gone through and Carlo would not have had the prayer of a chance to execute his raid on Centennial.

Kill Carlo.

As he approached his truck, the ski mechanic was just leaving the shop with Dirk’s new skis.

“ I see you finished those skis in record time,” Ivan congratulated the shop man. “It’s only two-thirty.”

“Yeah. Did you find your friend?” He asked.

“I surely did.” Ivan replied. “You’re going to make him very happy. Oh, by the way, did you notice the fellow who bought the cross country gaiters here earlier?”

“Sure.”

“He looks familiar,” Ivan expanded; “are you having a citizen’s cross country race here soon?”

“Nah, he comes into the shop every now and then. I think he mostly skis the trail between here and the ski area,” said the shopman.

“Is there an extensive trail system?” Ivan queried.

“It’s OK,” came the reply. “The main trail is pretty flat. There’s some interesting terrain on the loop northwest of the condos. Think you might give it a try?”

“Nope,” replied Ivan. “I didn’t bring any equipment.

“Try Hailley Hardware. They have some pretty good used stuff in the back of the store.”

“I don’t think so, but thanks anyway,” Ivan waved goodbye.

Ivan unlocked the truck and got in. On the seat lay a full loaded ten round plastic cartridge holder. Earlier in the day, it had fallen out of his day pack as he searched for a candy bar while driving. Ivan always found a sinister beauty in these aerodynamically sculpted, yet deadly objects. He had prepared and loaded them himself; polishing and trimming the brass cases, cleaning the pockets and seating fresh primers, selecting, weighing and pouring the powder, and finally carefully seating the bullets. For Ivan the hunter, they were not only his tools of the hunt; they were his own, loving creation.

“Kill Carlo.” They whispered silently, yet insistently. “Now.”

Ivan started the truck and backed into the alley. He waited for an older Jeep Cherokee to pass on the street and made a left turn onto the road to Hailley.

Extreme Dreams Depend on Teams by Pat Williams

August 3, 2009 - One Response

Extreme Dreams Depend on Teams

Title:  Extreme Dreams Depend on Teams
Author: Pat Williams
Publisher: Center Street
Genre: Business; Motivational
Language: English
Purchase at Amazon

Teamwork has been one of the great themes of my life for as long as I can remember. As a boy and as a man, as a team player or a team-builder, I’ve spent the vast majority of my years living by the principles of teamwork.

My dad gave me my first baseball glove when I was three and took me to my first major-league baseball game when I was seven. Dad, my sister Carol, and I sat in the stands at Philadelphia’s historic Shibe Park, scarfing hot dogs and cheering our throats raw during a Philadelphia Athletics–Cleveland Indians doubleheader. It was a glorious day, and I was hooked for life on the joyous mystique of teamwork.

When I was twelve, I played on my first baseball team. I loved the sense of comradeship, the giving and receiving of encouragement, the joy of victory, the shared consolation of defeat, the sense of belonging, and the pride of realizing, We’re a team! I’ve been involved with team sports nearly every day of my life since then. That’s more than half a century of teamwork experience, from elementary school to junior high to high school to college to the pros.

I’ve learned that every important accomplishment in life involves teamwork. The same principles that apply to team sports also apply in the corporate environment, government, the military, the religious world, and in families. As a dad, I helped raise four birth kids and fourteen kids by international adoption, so I was putting teams together every single day to keep our busy household functioning smoothly.

Teamwork is essential to our security and national defense. In Creating a Culture of Success, Charles Dygert and Richard Jacobs observe:

The United States military, in conjunction with its coalition forces throughout the world, emphasizes the importance of teamwork among its various branches. As we watched daily television war briefings by General Brooks on the war in Iraq in 2003, we noticed that he always attributed successes to the “people,” not to the technology. He acknowledged that the technology was the best in the world, but emphasized that it was people working together that made the technology effective.1

The medical staff of a hospital is also a team. The principles of teamwork are essential to a high-performing, effective lifesaving operation. Business writer William A. Cohen, PhD, offers this insight in Secrets of Special Ops Leadership:

Peter Drucker found an interesting phenomenon in investigating the procedures in a well-run hospital. Doctors, nurses, x-ray technicians, pharmacologists, pathologists, and other health care practitioners all worked together to accomplish a single object. Frequently he saw several working on the same patient under emergency conditions. Seconds counted. Even a minor slip could prove fatal. Yet, with a minimum amount of conscious command or control by any one individual, these medical teams worked together toward a common end and followed a common plan of action under the overall direction of a doctor.2

A business is a team—or should be. This is true whether the business is Microsoft or General Electric or Kelly’s Korner Koffeeshop. I have given thousands of speeches to corporate meetings and business conventions, and the number one subject I’m asked to speak on is teamwork. Whenever people come together to achieve a vision, their first priority must be to function as a team.

We Were Made for Teamwork

Why do teams exist? Answer: teams exist to enable people to work together and achieve high goals that would be out of reach for individuals working separately. Teamwork multiplies abilities and strengths. Teamwork enables individuals to complement one another and compensate for one other’s lacks and weaknesses. In the first Rocky film (1976), boxer Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) has a conversation with Paulie, the brother of Rocky’s girlfriend, Adrian.

“You like her?” asks Paulie.

“Sure, I like her,” Rocky says.

“What’s the attraction?”

“I dunno. She fills gaps.”

“What’s ‘gaps’?”

Rocky says, “She’s got gaps, I got gaps. Together we fill gaps.”3

That’s why we have teams. Teamwork fills gaps.

Phil Jackson, head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, is known for his mystical approach to basketball. Before leading a team into the playoffs, he gathers his players and reads from Rudyard Kipling’s poem “The Law of the Jungle”:

Now this is the Law of the Jungle—
as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper,
but the Wolf that shall break it must die.
As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk
the Law runneth forward and back—
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf,
and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.4

As a forward for the U.S. women’s national soccer team, Mia Hamm scored more international-competition goals than any other player, male or female, in the history of the game. She helped win a Women’s World Cup championship in 1999 and was named Women’s World Player of the Year in 2001 and 2002 by the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA). Her teamwork philosophy is simple:

Soccer is not an individual sport. I don’t score all the goals, and the ones I do score are usually the product of a team effort. I don’t keep the ball out of the back of the net on the other end of the field. I don’t plan our game tactics. I don’t wash our training gear (okay, sometimes I do), and I don’t make our airline reservations. I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team. I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.5

Aren’t there sports involving solo achievements—one person competing for individual glory without a team? What about racing cyclist Lance Armstrong? It’s true that Armstrong’s seven consecutive Tour de France victories (1999 to 2005) constitute a stunning personal achievement. But few people realize that Armstrong’s extreme accomplishment is truly a team accomplishment. While Armstrong is the star of the show, he could not achieve victory without his team.

Armstrong was coached by elite cyclist Chris Carmichael, Italian cycling coach Michele Ferrari, and Belgian cycling pro Johan Bruyneel. He has an aerodynamicist who tests his equipment and advises him on the best gear to wear during time trials. A radio headset in his helmet keeps him in contact with his team manager. In every race, he uses three different bikes—for time trials, for racing on the flats, and for mountain racing. His personal mechanic keeps all three precisely tuned to his preferences.

Armstrong’s racing team consists of nine cyclists. The other eight cyclists support Lance’s strategy and control the tempo of the race. They work much like an offensive line in football, blocking and protecting the quarterback so he can make plays. In It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life, Armstrong observed,

Cycling is an intricate, highly politicized sport, and it’s far more of a team sport than the spectator realizes. . . . On any team, each rider has a job, and is responsible for a specific part of the race. The slower riders are called domestiques—servants—because they do the less glamorous work of “pulling” up hills (“pulling” is cycling lingo for blocking the wind for the other riders) and protecting their team leader through the various perils of a stage race. The team leader is the principal cyclist, the rider most capable of sprinting to a finish with 150 miles in his legs.6

Armstrong says there is a subtle form of teamwork that takes place even between opposing cyclists in the pack (which, in bike-racing terms, is called the peloton):

To the spectator [the peloton] seems like a radiant blur, humming as it goes by, but that colorful blur is rife with contact, the clashing of handlebars, elbows, and knees, and it’s full of international intrigues and deals. The speed of the peloton varies. Sometimes it moves at 20 miles an hour, the riders pedaling slow and chatting. Other times, the group is spanned out across the road and we’re going 40 miles an hour. Within the peloton, there are constant negotiations between competing riders: pull me today, and I’ll pull you tomorrow. Give an inch, make a friend. You don’t make deals that compromise yourself or your team, of course, but you help other riders if you can, so they might return the favor.7

Human beings are designed for teamwork. We have a deep need to achieve extreme dreams through people. Coach Mike Krzyzewski has led his Duke Blue Devils basketball team to three NCAA Championships, ten Final Fours, and ten ACC Championships. “People want to be on a team,” Coach K once said. “They want to be part of something bigger than themselves. They want to be in a situation where they feel that they are doing something for the greater good.”8

As head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, Pat Riley won back-to-back NBA Championships (1987 and 1988). In 1990, he briefly retired and became a TV sports commentator for NBC. The following year, he took a coaching position with the New York Knicks. In an interview with Dave Anderson of the New York Times, Riley explained why he couldn’t stay at NBC—and why he couldn’t stay away from coaching.

“After the studio show each week,” Riley said, “I’d walk out of NBC alone. I’d get in a cab alone. I’d take a flight back to California alone, then the next weekend I’d get on a flight to New York and come back alone. After you’ve been around a team for thirty years, it’s hard being alone like that.” Anderson concluded, “Happiness for Pat Riley is coaching an NBA team again.”9 What’s true for Pat Riley is true for us all: we were designed to be part of a team, and we are not happy living and working alone.

Even in as highly individual a sport as tennis, people long to be part of a team. Czech-born Martina Navratilova is the former number one women’s tennis player in the world. “I like playing on a team,” she once said. “That’s why I like playing doubles because I like to talk to my teammate, to my partner. I hate being all alone on the court, because when you talk to yourself it’s kind of strange. But I love being on a team. It’s fun to get that support from your teammates and also to give it, try to figure out what they can and cannot do, and yelling on the sideline.”10

Debbie Miller-Palmore is an Olympic athlete, a former women’s pro basketball player, and the founder of Top of the Key, an organization devoted to developing the athletic, intellectual, and spiritual dimensions of athletes and coaches through basketball camps, clinics, and seminars. “Even when you’ve played the game of your life,” she once said, “it’s the feeling of teamwork that you’ll remember. You’ll forget the plays, the shots, and the scores, but you’ll never forget your teammates.”11

When I was the general manager of the Philadelphia 76ers, I thought that if I could only earn an NBA Championship ring, I’d be riding on a cloud for the rest of my life. When it happened, it was truly as thrilling as I thought it would be—for a while. But the thrill of victory soon wore off. I have a championship ring—but I never wear it. I put that ring in a drawer a long time ago and haven’t looked at it in years.

So what do I think about when I remember that championship season? I remember the team experiences, the complex challenge of assembling a team like pieces on a chessboard, the joy of watching everything click, the games, the screaming fans, the camaraderie with the players in the locker room. I remember all of it like it was yesterday. I remember it vividly because I was a team-builder—
And I was a part of a team.

When Is a Team a Team?

Extreme dreams come true when the right combination of talent, character, attitude, discipline, and hard work coalesce into a genuine team. A great team is an ever-changing puzzle assembled out of moving parts that function together in complex, unpredictable ways. Team-building requires an enormous depth of insight, skill, patience, and a fortunate break or two.

At the heart of teamwork is a concept everybody talks about but few understand. That concept is called synergy. The word comes from the Greek sunergos, meaning “working together,” from sun (“together”) and ergon (“work”). Synergy could be defined as the interaction between two or more individuals in such a way that their combined effectiveness exceeds the sum of their individual abilities and strengths. In The Winner Within, Pat Riley writes about synergistic power of teamwork:

Teamwork is the essence of life.

If there’s one thing on which I am an authority, it’s how to blend the talents and strengths of individuals into a force that becomes greater than the sum of its parts. My driving belief is this: great teamwork is the only way to reach our ultimate moments, to create breakthroughs that define our careers, to fulfill our lives with a sense of lasting significance. . . .

When our teams excel, we win. Our best efforts, combined with those of our teammates, grow into something far greater and far more satisfying than anything we could have achieved on our own. Teams make us part of something that matters.12

Pat Riley is talking about that mystical conjunction called synergy.

I’ve seen situations (and you’ve seen them too) where a manager or professor or pastor puts people in a room, assigns them a task, and says, “You’re a team.” Of course, they are not a team—not yet. They may be a committee, but they lack the magical synergistic something that makes them a true team.

Many organizations claim to believe in teamwork. Few have actually learned what a team is or how to assemble one. You can go to Pep Boys, buy fifty thousand dollars’ worth of car parts, take them home, and dump them out in your driveway. But that’s not a car. That’s just a collection of parts. To be a car, those parts have to be the right parts, they have to complement one another, and they have to be properly assembled.

The same is true of a team.

When you truly have a team and not just a committee, you know it. Why? Because of synergy. When your team is functioning as a team, it will achieve greater things than all your individual team-members could achieve separately. Your team will function cohesively, think creatively, and exceed all expectations.

The Invisible Hand

You can start any great enterprise with a team of two. In 1986, the organization we know today as the Orlando Magic consisted of just two people: Jimmy Hewitt and Pat Williams. We had an extreme dream of an NBA franchise in central Florida. We were passionate about that dream, and we quickly recruited others to join our team. Today, the Magic is an enterprise employing hundreds of people, contributing millions of dollars to the central Florida economy. Don’t be afraid to start small and dream big. Start with the most basic unit of teamwork: two. Put two people together, apply the lessons and principles of teamwork in this book—and when you need to grow your team, recruit more players.
In 1958, educator Leonard E. Read published an essay entitled “I, Pencil.” The essay is written from the first-person perspective of a pencil. The essay begins:

I am a lead pencil—the ordinary wooden pencil familiar to all boys and girls and adults who can read and write. . . .

I, Pencil, simple though I appear to be, merit your wonder and awe. . . . I have a profound lesson to teach. And I can teach this lesson better than can an automobile or an airplane or a mechanical dishwasher because—well, because I am seemingly so simple.
Simple? Yet, not a single person on the face of this earth knows how to make me.13

You might think, Is that true? No person on earth knows how to make a pencil? Then how are pencils produced by the billions every year? Answer: the “simple” pencil is constructed of so many different components: wood, graphite, glue, lacquer, metal, and more—that it can be made only by teamwork.

You probably didn’t know that the metal ring that holds the eraser is called the ferrule. It’s made of brass (an alloy of copper and zinc), usually accented with rings of black nickel. How is the brass ferrule formed? How is the black nickel applied? How is the ferrule secured to the end of the pencil? These are all areas of individual expertise.

And what about the eraser? What is it made of? You’d probably say, “Rubber.” Well, the rubber in an eraser is merely a binding agent; rubber does not have erasing properties of its own. The actual erasing agent is an ingredient called factice, which is made by a process of reacting canola oil with sulfur chloride.

The components of a pencil come from all over the world and require thousands of people with many specialized skills to bring those components together to form a pencil. The straight-grain cedar comes from northern California and Oregon. It is harvested by loggers, cut by mill workers, and shipped by railroad workers. The wood is cut into small pencil-length slats, kiln-dried, and tinted. It is grooved and sandwiched with graphite that was mined in Ceylon and mixed with clay from Mississippi and candelilla wax from Mexico. And the story of the pencil goes on and on in fascinating detail.

No one, not even the president of the pencil company, understands all the processes required to make one simple pencil. Somehow, all of these thousands of people contribute something irreplaceable to the process. The pencil is fashioned by teamwork.

The author of the essay, Leonard Read, adds that that there is no “master mind” directing the process. No one forces any of the people in the process to do his or her job. “Instead,” he says, “we find the Invisible Hand at work.” What is that Invisible Hand? It is the mysterious power of synergy.14

Without teamwork, there is no pencil.

And without synergy, there is no teamwork.

No Dream Is Too Extreme

In Walt Disney’s 1940 motion picture Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket (voiced by Cliff Edwards) sang these words: “If your heart is in your dream / No request is too extreme.”15 No dream of the future is too extreme to reach for, work for, and build for. What about a dream of a world beyond war and racism and hate? An extreme dream—but not too extreme. Why not dream it, assemble a team, and make it happen?

What about a dream of a world beyond cancer, AIDS, and other diseases? Or a dream of solving our energy and environmental problems? Or a dream of making the world safe for children—where no child in the world would ever go to bed hungry, or homeless, or physically or sexually abused? Dream it, my friend, then assemble a team and do it!

Or what about a dream of colonizing Mars, mining the asteroids, and moving out to the stars? Why shouldn’t we? Aim high, dream far! Then make it so!

Teamwork is the ideal environment for solving human problems. Super Bowl champion and college football coach Bill Curry talks about a teamwork phenomenon he calls “the miracle of the huddle,” which transcends all differences, erases all distinctions, and bonds people together in a tightly knit brotherhood or sisterhood of teamwork. Curry describes it this way: “The most important thing about sports is the miracle of the huddle. Players of all races, nationalities, religions, backgrounds, and creeds come together as one to accomplish a common goal as a team.”16

And because teamwork transcends all our petty differences and teaches us to work together for the benefit of all, teamwork is the ideal means of solving all the problems that plague our race and our planet. Individually, we can accomplish next to nothing. But working as a team, there’s nothing we can’t achieve—
And no dream is too extreme.

DISTANT THUNDER by Jimmy Root, Jr.

July 27, 2009 - 2 Responses

Distant Thunder

Title:  Distant Thunder
Author: Jimmy Root, Jr.
Publisher: American Book Publishers
Genre: Prophetic Fiction Thriller
Language: English
Purchase at American Book Publishers

Leavenworth, Kansas
National Military Cemetery
October 15

There was so much pain and loss; it was nearly beyond his ability to bear. More than an hour had passed since the grave had been filled, yet there sat his mother, silently adjusting a wreath and several arrangements of flowers against his brother’s headstone. He had to turn away, but even then, the sights of the cemetery were overwhelming.

White crosses marched into the distance at every angle, stony-white and cold. Sunlight, occasionally forcing its way through the cloudy autumn sky, starkly proclaimed that death was commander on this parade ground. Of all the pages of honor that might be written about the fallen, none would mask the reality that so many had been so futilely wasted, and for what? Liberty? Failed ambitions giving way to political expediency? The latter was the claim of the ever-present cynics.

“America has no business being over there and this is what we get,” was the fatalistic pragmatism that most had taken hold of, and that view had prevailed. Last fall’s presidential election proved it. A “cut our losses” Vietnam rerun was the result, practically discounting the sacrificial death for home and country made by thousands.

A sigh was all Ty Dempsey could manage as he waited a short distance away from his kneeling mother, Martha. Though only thirty-two, he’d accumulated six years of experience as a pastor. He thought he’d gone through every emotional extreme life had to offer. Taking care of others, feeling their grief, their joy, their anger, and even their disillusionment was his calling. But nothing had prepared him for this depth of pain.

Nathan J. Dempsey had been killed in Iraq just last week at age twenty-three, one of the final casualties of a haphazard withdrawal from the Middle East. By his mother’s side another fresh bouquet leaned against a cross, the marker of an old soldier gone on to be with his maker just two years before. Jimmy Dempsey had died at age sixty-four from a cancer, whose deadly seed had been sown in his body while he fought to survive the jungles of Vietnam.

Ty still mourned the death of his father, a man who’d been so adversely affected that even his family had been kept at an emotional arm’s distance. Though the he’d given a gallant effort, he could never break the vice-like grip of battle and death that had brutally held him for all these years. In the end, the old war itself mercifully brought closure to his suffering, both physically and mentally. But not to his mother, the grief that had been lurking all too near the surface since her husband’s death now cruelly hovered like the windy, cold clouds overhead.

Ty allowed himself the small comfort of leaning his solid, six foot, two frame against a large oak tree that would take on the responsibility of shading his brother’s grave, its crisp brown leaves soon to become a soft blanket over the dead. A sob was caught under the knot in his throat as he watched his mother stretch a hand toward her husband’s headstone. He could hardly contain his pain; his mind morbidly envisioned this brave woman being lowered into the hole that would someday be prepared between these two men that she loved so deeply, so completely.

“My God, how much pain should one person have to take?” he whispered. “Where’s the comfort in all of this hurt, this death?”

He looked toward the cemetery entrance at several crosses honoring other young men cut down before their lives had really begun, many for whom he’d performed a funeral service. He could still see his mother sharing silent strength and solace with women in deep hurt, placing an arm around one, organizing a dinner for another. How many times during those eulogies had he feared for the safety of his brother, or worried about the horrible pain they would experience should Nathan die?

A shade of guilt passed over him as he considered that fear again, a seeming lack of faith. Had what he’d feared most now come upon him? No, that cruelty was not part of his God. It was the irrationality of his own grief that he would have to sort through and bear.

Ty felt a wisp of wind cool his cheek where a tear had ended its quick flow. The last son faithfully stepped to his mother, gently placed his hand under the crook of her arm, and gave her the tug that signaled that the most difficult moment had arrived.

“It’s time to go Mom,” he said in a soft voice. “Folks will be waiting for us at the house.”

“I know, but part of me just wants to rest here, the part that is so tired of doing this,” she sighed. “I thought I’d prepared myself, but here I am, still asking God why it had to be Nathan. Is that wrong Ty? Is it wrong to wish this would have been somebody else’s boy?” Another tear pooled in her eye, and the corners of her small mouth quivered downward in pain.

“No Mom, you’re hurting and it is okay to ask that question. I’m asking some questions too.”

With one last adjustment to the wreath, she slowly stood. Once on her feet she paused as if another thought needed to be expressed, but she just couldn’t put the proper words to it. Then, with a quick, sad smile, and a pat of Ty’s hand, she turned and began the short walk from beneath the arms of the old oak to the waiting car. A house full of friends and well-wishers needed tending back in Plattsville.

Kansas City, Missouri
Later That Evening

Hamid Jamal could find little comfort. It wasn’t because of the later-than-normal traffic on the avenue below. The apprehension heaving in his gut rose from the prospects of botching the mission a few short days from now. He had no doubt that what he was embarking upon was holy in the eyes of Allah. He was also certain that the judgmental scrutiny of his superiors would be locked on him. That meant his eternity was hanging in the balance.

The pressure was eating at him and making his stomach churn. It was more than the poorly made humus he had enjoyed earlier in the evening. No, this abdominal tension rested solely on a prospect that brought him deep trepidation. Hamid was afraid that he might not be up to the gruesome task. Would he be able to fulfill what he believed was his earthly purpose, his very reason for being?

He rolled to his side and stared across the small room he’d holed up in these last few weeks. A bed, a convenience store, a near daily visit to the City Market’s Arabic restaurant, and a microwave were all Hamid needed to get by. Although the food was below his Iranian standards, it was a place that gave him the ability to blend into his surroundings in this American heartland city.

He had been quite pleasantly surprised at the quantities of middle-eastern men living in the downtown vicinity, not to mention their outspoken disdain for their host country’s politics and people. Freedom of speech was as foreign to him as he was to these odd capitalist infidels, but it proved itself something to be taken advantage of. Several times he’d allowed himself to inwardly ridicule the obvious softness of these pampered people. How could this be the nation that had silenced Saddam and subdued Khadafy? Not one of them would last a week living under the extreme demands of Islam in his native country of Iran. Their softness and wickedness would be exposed.

Still bothered and fidgety, Hamid rose from the bed and looked out his window toward the glowing building situated several blocks to the northeast. The huge, bowl-shaped, glass arena was just beginning to release the thousands of people who had gathered within its bowels for a concert. He wasn’t sure of the particular singer, nor the style of music being performed, but thousands of people filled the area and that was all that mattered. The traffic below was a confirmation that his chosen location would be the perfect place from which to send multitudes of infidels on a journey to the face of Allah. There, they would receive his severe judgment for their unbelief.

The contact that had set the final stages of the operation into motion was made ten days earlier. At a blind drop, Hamid had found a note written in Farsi with a single word written across its face, RETRIBUTION. The meaning was clear. One of the fabled Russian suitcase nuclear devices, supposedly missing for years, had arrived. As far as he knew, several were to have been loaded on various container ships in China, with destinations to ports in San Diego, Los Angeles, and Seattle. All were filled with crates of toys, the bombs nestled safely away and undetected. Ironically, one container ship carried the updated version of the famous G.I. Joe action figure for little boys.

Port security in this nation was absolutely baffling. Even after having suffered the attacks of 9-11, the American government remained an awkward behemoth in the area of homeland security. It had basically accomplished nothing beyond inspiring the irritation of its pampered travelers. That lax would be remedied by horror.

The transfer to local warehouses had evidently taken place without incident after the ships arrived at port. Shipment to key American cities, in which specific targets had been located, was to be handled by two nationally networked street-gangs who benefited by receiving a hefty sum of Iranian-based oil revenue. He easily imagined the money being multiplied by the illicit drug trade that infected the nation. That made him smile.

The presence of the note at the drop gave confirmation to a date previously established by his masters. It also verified that all targets were set, operatives were in place, and a spectacular display of Allah’s judgment was at hand. The Great Satan would be stricken and, as far as he knew, the little Satan, the illegal state of Israel, would also be a target for Allah’s retribution. The thought quickened his heartbeat and made him smile.

Running his long, slim fingers through his black hair, Hamid reached under the tattered lampshade resting on the table and switched it on. An arena pamphlet mapping all entrances, concourses, and seating sections had been laid out for several days of study.

His plan was simple. Knowing there was absolutely no possibility of entering the arena with a bomb strapped around his waist, he would make his way to the building from the south by walking among the enthusiastic, clueless crowds. He would follow the flow around the eastern concourse until he stood just outside what would be a crowded southeast entrance overlooking the busy interstate just below. He would choose the largest mass of concertgoers available and get into line to enter the building. From that point, the destruction would be complete and awesome.

The effect of these attacks in multiple cities would cripple the country. These people were living in a world of dreams that was about to be shattered. Here in this city, the masses had deceived themselves into believing that, simply by their location in the middle of the country, they were safe. He would prove them wrong in just a few short days…by the will of Allah.

A WILL TO LOVE by Kim Smith

July 9, 2009 - 5 Responses

A Will to Love

Title:  A Will to Love
Author: Kim Smith
Publisher: Red Rose Publishing
Genre: Romance
Language: English
Purchase at Red Rose Publishing

The March wind whipped around Benton Jessup’s light jacket and sliced cold fingers into his chest as it sought to take warmth from his body. The weather reminded him of Ireland when the winds buffeted them as they stood on the craggy coastline admiring the view of the sea. They’d had such a wonderful honeymoon, drinking frothy mugs with townsfolk and listening to the tales that abounded amongst the scattered cottages and ancient fortresses.

But they had to come back to Mississippi and the life that she wanted.

At least the memories would remain forever. Maybe that was why he had agreed to the Celtic cross now adorning the headstone. Its gray granite cast a faint shadow on the small bundle of pansies he laid on the grave. He didn’t speak. He wouldn’t know what to say anyway. His whole life, past, present, and future now rested beneath the fresh grasses growing over the mounded earth in the little cemetery on their land.

She would understand his stalwart silence. She had known him through and through. There would never be another woman who would be that close to him.

He’d make certain of it.

Too many burnt bridges during his youth assured he would be lonely for a man nearing forty. His family hadn’t heard from him in almost twenty years. He didn’t care now. She’d been his family. All he’d ever wanted.

But his façade, that damned arrogant desire to be a good husband for her had created the vacuum they’d lived in for four years. It hadn’t been easy melding his hobo life with a woman, but he’d done it for her. She’d changed him. She’d promised him a fairytale life with her.

She’d almost succeeded.

Now he was left with the mess her happy life had left behind. A fledgling bed and breakfast that she’d begged him to buy for them and a passel of memories of what might have been if cancer hadn’t interrupted. He felt like a fraud.

The pain flowed over him and resolutely he wiped the tears from his eyes and silently said goodbye as he had been doing every week for the last year.

###

Carla’s sister’s battered Toyota was parked around the back of the house when he returned. She’d been his shadow since Carla’s death, some sense of obligation between the two of them, some whispered deathbed promise. Typical Carla.

He didn’t mind though, Nikki was a great hostess, helping him entertain the guests who’d stayed at The Inn over the past months. The now regular bookings had made him understand the enormity of running the place alone. Guests needed to be fed and given amenities if he expected the business to survive. Nikki had provided all the little touches that made people want to return, just as Carla had done.

He still commandeered the grill and overlooked the menu though. His regional specialties had graced the pages of several local magazines and he couldn’t disappoint anyone who longed for his culinary talents.

He pushed open the swinging doors leading into the kitchen. Nikki stood in front of the sink, peeling something. Her blond ponytail swung gently as she swayed to the music playing on the radio. Nickelback. He rolled his eyes. She had strange tastes.

He walked over and peered into the bowl where running water splashed over vegetables. She usually purchased their fresh foods from the farmer’s market in Memphis, but the last time had given in to temptation and bought some at a health food store, which touted organic fare. They hadn’t been the best he’d ever had.

“Did you get any decent tomatoes this time?”

“Yes. Homegrown, first of the season.” She smiled at him and swatted his hand as he attempted to pinch a bit of broccoli. “Stop that. This is for dinner.”

“Beats a tuna sandwich. What else?” He looked on the stove. Nothing bubbled from a pot or pan. He’d gotten there just in time apparently.

“I figured you would be happy to add to the pot. I’m thinking chicken. And pasta,” she added, looking over her shoulder at him. “If that suits you?”

“Sure.”

“I want your opinion of the quality of this stuff. I’d like to do this more often over the summer. It’s quick to make, and healthy to boot. Besides, you have a big booking coming in soon.”

“I do?” He walked over to the light oak desk situated in a small nook of the kitchen. He leafed through the mail, not really paying attention to any of it, and opened the date book where he kept appointments and reservations.

“Yes, next week. I was pretty excited when I found out who she is. I Googled her on the Internet.”

Kitty Beebe, he read. The name meant nothing to him.

“Okay. If we have a celebrity or something coming here, I guess I should study up on her. Who is she?” he asked, turning toward Nikki.

She turned off the water, and grabbed a striped dishtowel. “Oh, come on. You can’t mean the name means nothing? Think really hard.”

He closed the book, stacked the mail, and leaned against the desk. Nothing about
Kitty Beebe rang a bell. “Sorry. Guess I’m not up on pop culture to any extent.”

“Okay, here’s a hint. Galway House.”

He crossed his arms and shrugged, hopelessly lost.

“Connacht at Midnight?”

He cocked an eyebrow and shook his head.

“Gee, Ben, you don’t get out much, do you?” Nikki said with a laugh. She tossed the dishtowel on the counter and strode to the desk. After a moment of searching, she pulled a paperback novel out of the drawer and waved it at him.
“Kitty Beebe, also known as Rose Perkins. She’s a famous romance author. Carla read everything she wrote and fretted like a wet hen when she had to wait on the next one to hit the stands. She was Carla’s absolute favorite. Big best-selling writer. I can’t believe you don’t know this.”

He took the book, frowning at the near nude woman on the cover in the arms of a roguish looking male. “And she’s coming here?”

“Yes. I took the call, and booked it. She gave a credit card number to hold her spot and asked if she could stay longer than the usual weekend.”

“Why?”

“Said she’s working on a new book and needs inspiration. Thought your little place would do it for her. Was recommended by someone who stayed here.”

“Well howdy. A real live one, eh?” He placed the book on the top of the mail. “I bet she’ll stay long enough to spend enough money with us to buy that fancy espresso machine Carla wanted.”

Nikki patted his arm as she passed him going back to the sink. “Already did.”

###

The weather turned Mid-South nasty overnight. Heavy thunderstorms were expected and he shook his head as the black clouds scudded across the sky. It would be a gully washer, and if tornadoes didn’t accompany them, they’d be damn lucky.

He maneuvered the wrought iron chairs, moving them closer to the house and under the awning where they would be out of the rain when it came. The back patio with his container garden and Carla’s decorating touches was one of the most sought out places at The Inn even in the chilliest weather.

He examined his plants.

Nothing hurting for now.

If the temperatures took a dive though, he would have to bring them into the mudroom to keep them from getting nipped. Springtime could be so unpredictable. Carla always loved it though, saying it was the best time of the year. She’d plant flowers and herbs and tend them all through the iffy weather.

He entered the kitchen through the back door, closing it softly behind him. Nikki hadn’t arrived yet, so he went to the refrigerator and took out eggs for his breakfast. While he worked he wondered about the guest writer.

Would she be locked in her room the whole time? What would she want for her supper? He continued making an omelet and considered inventing something with a southwest flair for breakfast while Kitty Beebe was in residence. He always tried to find a new recipe and try it out on new guests. They never seemed to mind.
This guest intrigued him.

He had to admit it was all Carla’s fault. She’d found something magical within the pages of the books the Beebe lady wrote. He was jealous that there was a part of his wife’s life he hadn’t been privy to.

He strolled to the desk and picked up the novel.

Maybe I’ll read it and find out.

He tucked the paperback into the waistband of his jeans and humming some mindless tune, returned to the stove. When he had filled a plate with bacon, omelet, and toast, he carried the lot to the table. He placed the book by his plate, deciding to at least read the blurbs on the back cover. He poured a cup of coffee, fragrant with a slight taste of vanilla and settled in. The slick cover made him think higher of paperbacks than he used to. He hadn’t really found time to read since he was a youngster.

Sipping the hot liquid, he scanned the back cover. The author’s picture smiled at him, showing off porcelain skin, auburn hair, and rich blue eyes. He felt like he could dive into those eyes and take a swim. He wondered how old she was.
The first blurb made him forget the attractive face staring back at him.
…Rose Perkins has the ability to make you live the life of her characters…

He pushed the book aside, roughly. Ugh. Now he knew why he hadn’t read more. He had no desire to live life like the heroes in a romance novel. He’d had quite enough of the role of chivalrous male when Carla had been alive. He stood and scowled at the book, then his plate, before stalking off in the direction of the den. His appetite for everything disappeared.

Damn all women.

###

Kitty Beebe was a woman longing for adventure, and the winding dirt and gravel road she traveled lived up to her expectations for such. She had seen three rabbits, two foxes, and a suspected deer that thankfully remained out of her way and only flit sparkling eyes toward her headlights as she maneuvered the rented Cavalier along.

She considered turning back more than once as the car plunged into potholes, but the promise of country solitude and lavender scented sheets in the quaint bedroom of the bed and breakfast beckoned her onward. Her weariness was swallowed a dozen times as she tried to focus on maneuvering the car through the harsh environment.

She was from Ireland after all. Troublesome roads were nothing new. The fact was, she wanted to taste Americana at its finest in the most historic places she could find. The advertisement in the popular Southern magazines caught her interest. Now as she bumped and jerked along toward her destination she felt the serenity of the region ooze over her like a balm.

My ridiculous restless spirit, again.

Marge, her agent, had called her a gypsy. Well, she wouldn’t deny that traveling and seeing new and exciting places appealed. They were the very fodder for her career, and made the best settings for her heroes and heroines to find love, laughter, and life together after she sent them through a bit of Hell first.
She smiled to herself. Yes, that baggage was what they all needed to be interesting, wasn’t it? She wondered what sort of dire circumstances would befall her latest creations. They hadn’t spoken entirely to her yet, but she wasn’t worried. They would and when they did, she would be ready and waiting at The Inn.

If she ever found it.

“Oh,” she exclaimed aloud as the road widened suddenly and the avenue of majestic oaks heralded her destination. She nodded at the elaborately decorated and well-lit sign. “The Inn.”

There were only a few cars parked around the front of the house in the guest parking. It was only ten p.m. Surely the lady who ran the place would still be awake? Tourism was light in March, Nikki Butler had told her. Things didn’t pick up until May when the children were out of school and families began their summer trips.

Kitty parked the car and gathered her purse and an overnight bag from the back seat. She wouldn’t need her other luggage until morning. She shivered at a chill that had set in with the heavy dew and longed for a cup of warm tea. She hoped she could count on the famous southern hospitality to provide it, even if she had to wake someone to get it.

She climbed the wide steps leading up to the antebellum style house, appreciating its historic feel. She could make out large azalea bushes on either side just beginning to burst into color, and wondered if the innkeeper gardened or hired out.
She inhaled deeply of the scents of an early spring and placed a firm knock on the white wooden door.

Nothing.

She paused, knocked again.

Still no answer.

Finally, she dropped the brass knocker heavily.

That should do it.

After long moments, only silence returned. She adjusted her bag and tried the knob. It turned easily.

Maybe they do things differently here?

It was uncommon these days for anyone to leave doors unlocked, but especially in America. She stood straighter. She was not timid. She was also an expected paid guest.

She pushed the door open and walked into the tall foyer.

A soft glow came from the single lamp on the small desk in the entryway. A sign- in book was there along with a dish of cinnamon scented potpourri. She hesitated, wondering how to proceed when the shuffle of footsteps on the stairs to her left made her look up.

He cut a dashing figure as he stood, one hand on the rail, denim jeans hugging tapered hips and no shirt. Her heart skipped a beat.
A perfect specimen for her new hero.

###

He jerked awake at the sound of the motion sensor. It emitted a dinging sound when an area was breached. Had he left the front door open? His heart pounded in his chest. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep.

He crossed the hall and started down the stairs when she came into view. Her face was flushed, whether anger or exertion he couldn’t tell. Her hair golden-red in the lamplight, curled around her shoulders like tendrils of flames licking her white sweater and he swallowed hard.

“I’m terribly sorry to disturb your rest,” she said, voice rich and vibrant, full of an accent. “Might Miss Butler be awake? I was to have called before my arrival, but…”
“…No, sorry,” he interrupted as he finished descending the stairs and tried not to gape at her height. She was very near eye level to him and he stood six feet in his stocking feet. “She doesn’t live here. She’s my assistant. The number she gave you was most likely mine. I’m Benton Jessup.”

She nodded, her smile lighting the depths of her sapphire blue eyes. She held out her hand for him to shake it and as he did, recognition struck him.

“Well, for crying out…you’re… Miss Beebe?”

The smile widened. “In the flesh, as they say.”

His face tingled from the heat flooding his cheeks. He’d mixed up the day she was due to arrive or she had decided to travel his way early. “You must be exhausted from your trip. Do you have more bags?”

“Ah, in the car. No need to fuss about now,” she told him. “I’d really appreciate a nice cup of tea and my bed, if you please.”

Her accent was enchanting and he felt an odd urge to linger around her just to listen. The feeling unsettled him. “Sure. Coming right up. Follow me.”

He took the bag from her and led the way toward the back of the house. “The kitchen’s the best room in the house in my opinion.”

He set her bag inside the doorway, easily retrievable once they were ready to go up the back stairs to where she would sleep. She passed him into the kitchen, and he turned aside into the mudroom adjacent to the kitchen to grab a long sleeved tee shirt from the dryer.

After trying to look more presentable, he walked in and watched her as she assessed the kitchen, every stone, brick, and log.

“Lovely. Rustic, and very romantic”

He moved to the other side of the mosaic-tiled island. He didn’t want to think about romance. Especially not at the suggestion of a woman who looked like she did, and made her living feeding it to her readers. “What can I get you?”
She sat across from him, and neatly clasped her hands in front of her. “Tea. Hot, not boiling, and a bite of bread and cheese if you have it.”

“Black pekoe, and green. Or herbal. Honey wheat, white, or hard roll? Pepper jack, sharp or mild cheddar?”

She gave him one of those smiles again. This time he smiled back in spite of himself.

“Black pekoe with a drop of cream and a bit of sugar. Honey wheat, sliced if you have it. And I suspect mild cheddar with that will be splendid.”

He turned away to prepare the food and to collect himself. Something about this woman touched places he thought he had buried.

He tried small talk to shorten the silence while slicing the square chunk of cheddar. “I understand you’re planning on writing another book while you’re here?”

“Yes. A tale woven and spun from the fabric of your wonderful Southern traditions,” she replied. Her voice was soft and silky. “I imagine it will ooze with everything from your interesting accents to your love of the land.”

He finished slicing pieces from a loaf of bread he’d removed from the bread machine that afternoon and placed everything on a royal blue plate. He gave her a small stainless teapot filled with hot water and a teabag already steeping.

“Interesting accents? Well, I’d say you have that covered better than us,” he said, handing her a blue willow teacup and saucer. “Various Irish accents are much nicer.”

Her eyebrows went up a bit. “Have you ever been to Ireland, then?”
Bells went off in his head. He hoped his face didn’t blanch as white as he felt.

“Yes. Once.” He began to move toward her bag.

“Will you ever go again?”

He was glad she couldn’t see his face. He tried to sound light-hearted. She was his guest. “Tomorrow maybe. Right now, I’m going to check on your room.”

And he walked away, certain her gaze followed him, the amusement wrinkling the corners of her eyes.

###
Kitty watched the ripple of muscles play in his back as he lifted the bag and disappeared up the stairs. The sight of him, bare-chested and apologetic had sent a strange ripple of attraction through her. He was wise to don a shirt.
She tried to concentrate on something else.

The kitchen, although entirely modern, maintained its sense of ruggedness. Pine beams ran the length of the ceiling, and French country designed tile decorated the wall between cabinet and counter. The red brick fireplace off the kitchen, in what was most likely a small dining area, completed the look.

Her love of country and simplistic life sighed within her. She’d tried to make her home such a place, but it lacked something. She knew what it was but she wasn’t quite sure how to remedy the problem.

She glanced at the doorway where her host had gone.

Yes. One of him would spice things up nicely.

Once she finished the light fare and tea, she followed Mr. Jessup’s trail and climbed up the short flight of stairs to a floor of three bedrooms.

She found him in the first one to the left. It was a charming room, lightly painted in a pale shade of purple with bright white trim.

It wasn’t the attractiveness of the room that took her eye, however.

He stood near the wall, facing her with a lighter in his hand, lighting a candle. Her first reaction was one of interest. A man performing domestic tasks was a novelty. The men she had grown up with in Ireland were far from domestically tamed. They tilled fields, tended animals, and more often than not, worked in a laborious job at a factory. And the ones she’d been associating with since she’d become published were all totally business focused. Mr. Jessup was a nice contrast.

“Thank you for that,” she said.

He looked at her, head tilted slightly. “Sure. You’re paying in advance, and for a long time. I should make you as comfortable as possible. If you need anything special, you know, for your meals or anything, just let me know.”

He moved away from the bed and placed the candle on the dark cherry dresser adorned simply with a white lace doily.

“And thank you again for the food. I was a bit greedy. I ate it all.”

He grinned as he passed her, and she saw the dimple, missed in every smile he’d given before. “You’re welcome. Sweet dreams, Miss Beebe.”

She didn’t turn to watch him leave.

But she wanted to very much.

AMERICAN LION by Jon Meacham

July 6, 2009 - Leave a Response

American Lion

Title:  American Lion
Author: Jon Meacham
Publisher: Random House
Genre: Biography
Language: English
Purchase at Amazon

Andy Will Fight His Way in the World

Christmas 1828 should have been the happiest of seasons at the Hermitage, Jackson’s plantation twelve miles outside Nashville. It was a week before the holiday, and Jackson had won the presidency of the United States the month before. “How triumphant!” Andrew Donelson said of the victory. “How flattering to the cause of the people!” Now the president- elect’s family and friends were to be on hand for a holiday of good food, liquor, and wine–Jackson was known to serve guests whiskey, champagne, claret, Madeira, port, and gin–and, in this special year, a pageant of horses, guns, and martial glory.

On Wednesday, December 17, 1828, Jackson was sitting inside the house, answering congratulatory messages. As he worked, friends in town were planning a ball to honor their favorite son before he left for Washington. Led by a marshal, there would be a guard of soldiers on horseback to take Jackson into Nashville, fire a twenty- four- gun artillery salute, and escort him to a dinner followed by dancing. Rachel would be by his side.
In the last moments before the celebrations, and his duties, began, Jackson drafted a letter. Writing in his hurried hand across the foolscap, he accepted an old friend’s good wishes: “To the people, for the confidence reposed in me, my gratitude and best services are due; and are pledged to their service.” Before he finished the note, Jackson went outside to his Tennessee fields.

He knew his election was inspiring both reverence and loathing. The 1828 presidential campaign between Jackson and Adams had been vicious. Jackson’s forces had charged that Adams, as minister to Russia, had procured a woman for Czar Alexander I. As president, Adams was alleged to have spent too much public money decorating the White House, buying fancy china and a billiard table. The anti- Jackson assaults were more colorful. Jackson’s foes called his wife a bigamist and his mother a whore, attacking him for a history of dueling, for alleged atrocities in battles against the British, the Spanish, and the Indians–and for being a wife stealer who had married Rachel before she was divorced from her first husband. “Even Mrs. J. is not spared, and my pious Mother, nearly fifty years in the tomb, and who, from her cradle to her death had not a speck upon her character, has been dragged forth . . . and held to public scorn as a prostitute who intermarried with a Negro, and my eldest brother sold as a slave in Carolina,” Jackson said to a friend.

Jackson’s advisers marveled at the ferocity of the Adams attacks. “The floodgates of falsehood, slander, and abuse have been hoisted and the most nauseating filth is poured, in torrents, on the head, of not only Genl Jackson but all his prominent supporters,” William B. Lewis told John Coffee, an old friend of Jackson’s from Tennessee.
Some Americans thought of the president-elect as a second Father of His Country. Others wanted him dead. One Revolutionary War veteran, David Coons of Harpers Ferry, Virginia, was hearing rumors of ambush and assassination plots against Jackson. To Coons, Jackson was coming to rule as a tribune of the people, but to others Jackson seemed dangerous–so dangerous, in fact, that he was worth killing. “There are a portion of malicious and unprincipled men who have made hard threats with regard to you, men whose baseness would (in my opinion) prompt them to do anything,” Coons wrote Jackson.

That was the turbulent world awaiting beyond the Hermitage. In the draft of a speech he was to deliver to the celebration in town, Jackson was torn between anxiety and nostalgia. “The consciousness of a steady adherence to my duty has not been disturbed by the unsparing attacks of which I have been the subject during the election,” the speech read. Still, Jackson admitted he felt “apprehension” about the years ahead. His chief fear? That, in Jackson’s words, “I shall fail” to secure “the future prosperity of our beloved country.” Perhaps the procession to Nashville and the ball at the hotel would lift his spirits; perhaps Christmas with his family would.

While Jackson was outside, word came that his wife had collapsed in her sitting room, screaming in pain. It had been a wretched time for Rachel. She was, Jackson’s political foes cried, “a black wench,” a “profligate woman,” unfit to be the wife of the president of the United States. Shaken by the at- tacks, Rachel–also sixty-one and, in contrast to her husband, short and somewhat heavy–had been melancholy and anxious. “The enemies of the General have dipped their arrows in wormwood and gall and sped them at me,” Rachel lamented during the campaign. “Almighty God, was there ever any thing equal to it?” On the way home from a trip to Nashville after the balloting, Rachel was devastated to overhear a conversation about the lurid charges against her. Her niece, the twenty-one- year- old Emily Donelson, tried to reassure her aunt but failed. “No, Emily,” Mrs. Jackson replied, “I’ll never forget it!”

When news of her husband’s election arrived, she said: “Well, for Mr. Jackson’s sake I am glad; for my own part I never wished it.” Now the cumulative toll of the campaign and the coming administration exacted its price as Rachel was put to bed, the sound of her cries still echoing in her slave Hannah’s ears.

Jackson rushed to his wife, sent for doctors, did what he could. Later, as she lay resting, her husband added an emotional postscript to the letter he had begun: “P.S. Whilst writing, Mrs. J. from good health, has been taken suddenly ill, with excruciating pain in the left shoulder, arm, and breast. What may be the result of this violent attack god only knows, I hope for her recovery, and in haste close this letter, you will pardon any inaccuracies A. J.” Yet his hopes would not bring her back.

Rachel lingered for two and a half days. Jackson hovered by her side, praying for her survival. He had loved her for nearly four decades. His solace through war, politics, Indian fighting, financial chaos, and the vicissitudes of life in what was then frontier America, Rachel gave him what no one else ever had. In her arms and in their home he found a steady sense of family, a sustaining universe, a place of peace in a world of war. Her love for him was unconditional. She did not care for him because he was a general or a president. She cared for him because he was Andrew Jackson. “Do not, My beloved Husband, let the love of Country, fame and honor make you forget you have me,” she wrote to him during the War of 1812. “Without you I would think them all empty shadows.” When they were apart, Jackson would sit up late writing to her, his candle burning low through the night. “My heart is with you,” he told her.

Shortly after nine on the evening of Monday, December 22, three days before Christmas, Rachel suffered an apparent heart attack. It was over. Still, Jackson kept vigil, her flesh turning cold to his touch as he stroked her forehead. With his most awesome responsibilities and burdens at hand, she had left him. “My mind is so disturbed . . . that I can scarcely write, in short my dear friend my heart is nearly broke,” Jackson told his confidant John Coffee after Rachel’s death.

At one o’clock on Christmas Eve afternoon, by order of the mayor, Nashville’s church bells began ringing in tribute to Rachel, who was to be buried in her garden in the shadow of the Hermitage. The weather had been wet, and the dirt in the garden was soft; the rain made the gravediggers’ task a touch easier as they worked. After a Presbyterian funeral service led by Rachel’s minister, Jackson walked the one hundred fifty paces back to the house. A devastated but determined Jackson spoke to the mourners. “I am now the President elect of the United States, and in a short time must take my way to the metropolis of my country; and, if it had been God’s will, I would have been grateful for the privilege of taking her to my post of honor and seating her by my side; but Providence knew what was best for her.” God’s was the only will Jackson ever bowed to, and he did not even do that without a fight.

In his grief, Jackson turned to Rachel’s family. He would not–could not–go to Washington by himself. Around him at the Hermitage on this bleak Christmas Eve was the nucleus of the intimate circle he would maintain for the rest of his life. At the center of the circle, destined both to provide great comfort and to provoke deep personal anger in the White House, stood Andrew and Emily Donelson. They had an ancient claim on Jackson’s affections and attention, and they were ready to serve.

While Andrew–who was also Emily’s first cousin–was to work through the president- elect’s correspondence, guard access to Jackson, and serve as an adviser, Emily, not yet twenty- two, would be the president’s hostess. Attracted by the bright things of the fashionable world and yet committed to family and faith, Emily was at once selfless and sharp- tongued. Born on Monday, June 1, 1807, the thirteenth and last child of Mary and John Donelson, Emily was raised in the heart of frontier aristocracy and inherited a steely courage–perhaps from her grandfather, a Tennessee pioneer and a founder of Nashville–that could verge on obstinacy. It was a trait she shared with the other women in her family, including her aunt Rachel. “All Donelsons in the female line,” wrote a family biographer, “were tyrants.” Charming, generous, and hospitable tyrants, to be sure, but still a formidable lot–women who knew their own minds, women who had helped their husbands conquer the wilderness or were the daughters of those who had. Now one of them, Emily, would step into Rachel’s place in the White House.

On Sunday, January 18, 1829, Jackson left the Hermitage for the capital. With the Donelsons, William Lewis, and Mary Eastin, Emily’s friend and cousin, Jackson rode the two miles from the Hermitage to a wharf on a neighboring estate and boarded the steamboat Pennsylvania to travel the Cumberland River north, toward their new home. He was, as he had said to the mourners on the day of Rachel’s burial, the president- elect of the United States.

Before he left Tennessee, he wrote a letter to John Coffee that mixed faith and resignation. His thoughts were with Rachel, and on his own mortality. “Whether I am ever to return or not is for time to reveal, as none but that providence, who rules the destiny of all, now knows,” Jackson said.

His friends hoped that service to the nation would comfort him. “The active discharge of those duties to which he will shortly be called, more than anything else, will tend to soothe the poignancy of his grief,” said the Nashville Republican and State Gazette in an edition bordered in black in mourning for Rachel. In a moving letter, Edward Livingston, a friend of Jackson’s and a future secretary of state, saw that the cause of country would have to replace Rachel as Jackson’s central concern. Referring to America, Livingston told the president- elect: “She requires you for her welfare to abandon your just grief, to tear yourself from the indulgence of regrets which would be a virtue in a private individual, but to which you are not permitted to yield while so much of her happiness depends upon your efforts in her service.” Jackson understood. To rule, one had to survive, and to survive one had to fight.

The travelers wound their way through the country to the capital, passing through Louisville, Cincinnati, and Pittsburgh, where it snowed. The president- elect was complaining of sore limbs, a bad cough, and a hand worn out from greeting so many well- wishers. “He was very much wearied by the crowds of people that attended him everywhere, anxious to see the People’s President,” Mary Eastin wrote her father.

Ten days into the voyage, Emily Donelson finally found a moment to sit down. For her the trip had been a blur of cannons, cheers, and tending to colds–she had one, as did her little son Jackson. “I scarcely need tell you that we have been in one continual crowd since we started,” Emily wrote her mother. Their quarters were overrun by guests, and there were ovations and shouts of joy from people along the banks of the river. The social demands of the presidency had begun, really, the moment Jackson and his party left the Hermitage. But Emily was not the kind to complain, at least not in her uncle’s hearing. She loved the life that Jackson had opened to her and her husband.

“You must not make yourself unhappy about us, my dear Mother,” Emily added, sending warm wishes to her father. The handwriting was shaky as the letter ended; the water was rough, the pace of the craft fast. “I hope you will excuse this scrawl,” Emily said, “as it is written while the boat is running.”

The speed of the boat did not seem to bother Andrew Jackson, but then he was accustomed to pressing ahead. He was constantly on the run, and had been all his life. For him the journey to the White House had begun six decades before, in a tiny place tucked away in the Carolinas–a place he never visited, and spoke of only sparingly, called Waxhaw.

Jackson grew up an outsider, living on the margins and at the mercy of others. Traveling to America from Ireland in 1765, his father, the senior Andrew Jackson, and his mother, Elizabeth Hutchinson Jackson, moved into a tiny community a few hundred miles northwest of Charleston, in a spot straddling the border between North and South Carolina. “Waxhaw” came from the name of the tribe of native Indians in the region, and from a creek that flowed into the Catawba River. Though the Revolutionary War was eleven years away, the relationship between King George III and his American colonies was already strained. The year the Jacksons crossed the Atlantic, Parliament passed the Quartering Act (which forced colonists to shelter British troops) and the Stamp Act (which levied a tax on virtually every piece of paper on the continent). The result: the Massachusetts legislature called for a colonial congress in New York, which issued a “Declaration of Rights and Grievances” against King George III. Striking, too, was a remark made by a delegate from South Carolina, the Jacksons’ new home. “There ought to be no more New England men, no New Yorkers,” said Christopher Gadsden of Charleston, “but all of us Americans!”

Jackson’s father, meanwhile, was trying to establish himself and his family in the New World. Though a man, his son recalled, of “independent” means, he was, it seems, poorer than his in- laws, who might have made him feel the disparity. While the other members of the extended family began prospering, Jackson moved his wife and two sons, Hugh and Robert, to Twelve Mile Creek, seven miles from the heart of Waxhaw. His wife was pregnant when the first Andrew Jackson died unexpectedly. It was a confusing, unsettling time. The baby was almost due, a snowstorm–rare in the South–had struck, and Jackson’s pallbearers drank so much as they carried his corpse from Twelve Mile Creek to the church for the funeral that they briefly lost the body along the way.

Soon thereafter, on Sunday, March 15, 1767, Mrs. Jackson gave birth to her third son, naming him Andrew after her late husband. He was a dependent from delivery forward. Whether the birth took place in North or South Carolina has occupied historians for generations (Jackson himself thought it was South Carolina), but the more important fact is that Andrew Jackson came into the world under the roof of relatives, not of his own parents. Growing up, he would be a guest of the houses in which he lived, not a son, except of a loving mother who was never the mistress of her own household. One of Mrs. Jackson’s sisters had married a Crawford, and the Crawfords were more affluent than the Jacksons. The loss of Mrs. Jackson’s husband only made the gulf wider. When the Crawfords asked Mrs. Jackson and her sons to live with them, it was not wholly out of a sense of familial devotion and duty. The Jacksons needed a home, the Crawfords needed help, and a bargain was struck. “Mrs. Crawford was an invalid,” wrote James Parton, the early Jackson biographer who interviewed people familiar with the Jacksons’ days in Waxhaw, “and Mrs. Jackson was permanently established in the family as housekeeper and poor relation.” Even in his mother’s lifetime, Jackson felt a certain inferiority to and distance from others. “His childish recollections were of humiliating dependence and galling discomfort, his poor mother performing household drudgery in return for the niggardly maintenance of herself and her children,” said Mary Donelson Wilcox, Emily and Andrew’s oldest daughter. He was not quite part of the core of the world around him. He did not fully belong, and he knew it.

God and war dominated his childhood. His mother took him and his brothers to the Waxhaw Presbyterian meetinghouse for services every week, and the signal intellectual feat of his early years was the memorization of the Shorter Westminster Catechism. Most stories about the young Jackson also paint a portrait of a child and young man full of energy, fun, and not a little fury. Like many other children of the frontier, he was engaged in a kind of constant brawl from birth–and in Jackson’s case, it was a brawl in which he could not stand to lose ground or points, even for a moment.

Wrestling was a common pastime, and a contemporary who squared off against Jackson recalled “I could throw him three times out of four, but he would never stay throwed.” As a practical joke his friends packed extra powder into a gun Jackson was about to fire, hoping the recoil would knock him down. It did. A furious Jackson rose up and cried “By God, if one of you laughs, I’ll kill him!”

Perhaps partly because he was fatherless, he may have felt he had to do more than usual to prove his strength and thus secure, or try to secure, his place in the community. “Mother, Andy will fight his way in the world,” a neighborhood boy recalled saying in their childhood. Clearly Jackson seethed beneath the surface, for when flummoxed or crossed or frustrated, he would work himself into fits of rage so paralyzing that contemporaries recalled he would begin “slobbering.” His prospects were not auspicious: here was an apparently unbalanced, excitable, insecure, and defensive boy coming of age in a culture of confrontation and violence. It was not, to say the least, the best of combinations.

His mother was his hope. His uncles and aunts apparently did not take a great deal of interest. They had their own children, their own problems, their own lives. Elizabeth Jackson was, however, a resourceful woman, and appears to have made a good bit out of little. There was some money, perhaps income from her late husband’s farm, and gifts from relatives in Ireland–enough, anyway, to send Jackson to schools where he studied, for a time, under Presbyterian clergy, learning at least the basics of “the dead languages.” He learned his most lasting lessons, however, not in a classroom but in the chaos of the Revolutionary War.

The birth of the Republic was, for Jackson, a time of unrelenting death. A week after Jackson’s eighth birthday, in March 1775, Edmund Burke took note of the American hunger for independence. “The temper and character which prevail in our Colonies are, I am afraid, unalterable by any human art,” he said. Within sixteen months Burke was proved right when the Continental Congress declared independence on July 4, 1776, a midsummer Thursday. By 1778, the South was the focus of the war, and the British fought brutally in Georgia and the Carolinas. In 1779, Andrew’s brother Hugh, just sixteen, was fighting at the front and died, it was said, “of heat and fatigue” after a clash between American and British troops at the Battle of Stono Ferry, south of Charleston. It was the first in a series of calamities that would strike Jackson, who was thirteen.

The British took Charleston on Friday, May 12, 1780, then moved west. The few things Jackson knew and cherished were soon under siege. On Monday, May 29, at about three o’clock in the afternoon, roughly three hundred British troops under the command of Lieutenant Colonel Banastre Tarleton killed 113 men near Waxhaw and wounded another 150. It was a vicious massacre: though the rebels tried to surrender, Tarleton ordered his men forward, and they charged the Americans, a rebel surgeon recalled, “with the horrid yells of infuriated demons.” Even after the survivors fell to the ground, asking for quarter, the British “went over the ground, plunging their bayonets into everyone that exhibited any signs of life.”

The following Sunday was no ordinary Sabbath at Waxhaw. The meetinghouse was filled with casualties from the skirmish, and the Jacksons were there to help the wounded. “None of the men had less than three or four, and some as many as thirteen gashes on them,” Jackson recalled.

He was so young, and so much was unfolding around him: the loss of a brother, the coming of the British, the threat of death, the sight of the bleeding and the dying in the most sacred place he knew, the meetinghouse. The enemy was everywhere, and the people of Waxhaw, like people throughout the colonies, were divided by the war, with Loyalists supporting George III and Britain, and others, usually called Whigs, throwing in their lot with the Congress. As Jackson recalled it, his mother had long inculcated him and his brothers with anti- British rhetoric, a stand she took because of her own father, back in Ireland. The way Mrs. Jackson told the story, he had fought the troops of the British king in action at Carrickfergus. “Often she would spend the winter’s night, in recounting to them the sufferings of their grandfather, at the siege of Carrickfergus, and the oppressions exercised by the nobility of Ireland, over the labouring poor,” wrote John Reid and John Eaton in a biography Jackson approved, “impressing it upon them, as their first duty, to expend their lives, if it should become necessary, in defending and supporting the natural rights of man.” These words were written for a book published in 1817, after Jackson defeated the British at New Orleans and preparatory to his entering national politics, which may account for the unlikely image of Mrs. Jackson tutoring her sons in Enlightenment political thought on cold Carolina evenings. But there is no doubt that Jackson chose to remember his upbringing this way, which means he linked his mother with the origins of his love of country and of the common man.

In the split between the revolutionaries and the Loyalists Jackson saw firsthand the brutality and bloodshed that could result when Americans turned on Americans. “Men hunted each other like beasts of prey,” wrote Amos Kendall, the Jackson intimate who spent hours listening to Jackson reminisce, “and the savages were outdone in cruelties to the living and indignities on the dead.”

Lieutenant Colonel Tarleton–known as “Bloody Tarleton” for his butchery–once rode so close to the young Jackson that, Jackson recalled, “I could have shot him.” The boy soaked up the talk of war and its rituals from the local militia officers and men. Months passed, and there were more battles, more killing. “Boys big enough to carry muskets incurred the dangers of men,” wrote Kendall–and Jackson was big enough to carry a musket.

In April 1781, after a night spent on the run from a British party, he and his brother Robert were trapped in one of their Crawford relatives’ houses. A neighboring Tory alerted the redcoats, and soon Andrew and Robert were surrounded. The soldiers ransacked the house, and an imperious officer ordered Jackson to polish his boots.

Jackson refused. “Sir,” he said, with a striking formality and coolness under the circumstances for a fourteen- year- old, “I am a prisoner of war, and claim to be treated as such.” The officer then swung his sword at the young man. Jackson blocked the blade with his left hand, but he could not fend it off completely. “The sword point reached my head and has left a mark there . . . on the skull, as well as on the fingers,” Jackson recalled. His brother was next, and when he too refused the order to clean the boots, the officer smashed the sword over Robert’s head, knocking him to the floor.

In some ways, Andrew was strengthened by the blows, for he would spend the rest of his life standing up to enemies, enduring pain, and holding fast until, after much trial, victory came. Robert was not so fortunate. The two boys were taken from the house to a British prison camp in Camden, about forty miles away. The journey was difficult in the April heat: “The prisoners were all dismounted and marched on foot to Camden, pushed through the swollen streams and prevented from drinking,” Jackson recalled. The mistreatment continued at the camp. “No attention whatever was paid to the wounds or to the comfort of the prisoners, and the small pox having broken out among them, many fell victims to it,” Jackson said. Robert was sick, very sick. Their mother managed to win her sons’ release, and, with a desperately ill Robert on one horse and Mrs. Jackson on another, a barefoot Andrew–the British had taken his shoes and his coat–had to, as he recalled, “trudge” forty- five miles back to Waxhaw.

They made a ragged, lonely little group. En route, even the weather turned against them. “The fury of a violent storm of rain to which we were exposed for several hours before we reached the end of our journey caused the small pox to strike in and consequently the next day I was dangerously ill,” Jackson recalled. Two days later Robert died. “During his confinement in prison,” Jackson’s earliest biography said, Robert “had suffered greatly; the wound on his head, all this time, having never been dressed, was followed by an inflammation of the brain, which in a few days after his liberation, brought him to his grave.”

Two Jackson boys were now dead at the hands of the British. Elizabeth nursed Andrew, now her only living child, back from the precipice–and then left, to tend to two of her Crawford nephews who were sick in Charleston.

Jackson never saw her again. In the fall of 1781 she died in the coastal city tending to other boys, and was buried in obscurity. Her clothes were all that came back to him. Even by the rough standards of the frontier in late eighteenth- century America, where disease and death were common, this was an extraordinary run of terrible luck.

For Jackson, the circumstances of Elizabeth’s last mission of mercy and burial would be perennial reminders of the tenuous position she had been forced into by her own husband’s death. First was the occasion of her visit to Charleston: to care for the extended family, leaving her own son behind. However selfless her motives–she had nursed the war’s wounded from that first Waxhaw massacre in the late spring of 1780–Elizabeth had still gone to the coast for the sake of Jackson’s cousins, not her own children. The uncertainty over the fate of her remains was a matter of concern to Jackson even in his White House years. He long sought the whereabouts of his mother’s grave, but to no avail. Perhaps partly in reaction to what he may have viewed as the lack of respect or care others had taken with his mother’s burial, he became a careful steward of such things–a devotee of souvenirs, a keeper of tombs, and an observer of anniversaries. The first woman he ever loved, his mother, rested in oblivion. The second woman who won his heart, Rachel, would be memorialized in stateliness and grandeur at the Hermitage after her death, and in his last years he would spend hours in the garden, contemplating her tomb. Bringing his mother home had been beyond his power. The story of Jackson’s life was how he strove to see that little else ever would be.

Rachel Jackson believed her husband drew inspiration from his mother’s trials. It was from her courage in facing what Rachel called “many hardships while on this earth” that Jackson “obtained the fortitude which has enabled him to triumph with so much success over the many obstacles which have diversified his life.”

Jackson often recounted what he claimed were his mother’s last words to him. In 1815, after his triumph at New Orleans, he spoke of his mother to friends: “Gentlemen, I wish she could have lived to see this day. There never was a woman like her. She was gentle as a dove and as brave as a lioness. Her last words have been the law of my life.”

Andrew, if I should not see you again, I wish you to remember and treasure up some things I have already said to you: in this world you will have to make your own way. To do that you must have friends. You can make friends by being honest, and you can keep them by being steadfast. You must keep in mind that friends worth having will in the long run expect as much from you as they give to you. To forget an obligation or be ungrateful for a kindness is a base crime–not merely a fault or a sin, but an actual crime. Men guilty of it sooner or later must suffer the penalty. In personal conduct be always polite but never obsequious. None will respect you more than you respect yourself. Avoid quarrels as long as you can without yielding to imposition. But sustain your manhood always. Never bring a suit in law for assault and battery or for defamation. The law affords no remedy for such outrages that can satisfy the feelings of a true man. Never wound the feelings of others. Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings. If you ever have to vindicate your feelings or defend your honor, do it calmly. If angry at first, wait till your wrath cools before you proceed.

No matter how many of these words were hers, and how many were created by Jackson and ascribed to her memory, Elizabeth Jackson cast a long shadow in the life of her only surviving son.

Jackson spiraled downward and lashed out in the aftermath of his mother’s death. Before now, living in other people’s houses, Jackson had learned to manage complicated situations, maneuvering to maintain a passably cheerful (and grateful) face among people who gave him shelter but apparently little else. “He once said he never remembered receiving a gift as a child, and that, after his mother’s death, no kind, encouraging words ever greeted his ear,” recalled Mary Donelson Wilcox.

The Revolutionary War drew to a close with the American victory at Yorktown, Virginia, on the afternoon of Friday, October 19, 1781. Two years later, on Wednesday, September 3, 1783, came the Treaty of Paris, and the United States was now an independent nation. For Jackson, though, the end of war brought little peace. Living for a time with some Crawford relatives, Jackson got into a fight with one of their guests, a Captain Galbraith. Jackson thought him “of a very proud and haughty disposition,” and the two found themselves in an argument, and “for some reason,” Jackson recalled, “I forget now what, he threatened to chastise me.” Jackson replied with a flash of fire. “I immediately answered, ‘that I had arrived at the age to know my rights, and although weak and feeble from disease, I had the courage to defend them, and if he attempted anything of that kind I would most assuredly send him to the other world.’” That was enough for Jackson’s current Crawford host to shuffle him off to another relative. Having the unstable orphan around presented too many problems, not least the possibility of his attacking other guests.

Then came a crucial interlude in Jackson’s life: a sojourn in the cultivated precincts of Charleston. He had come into some money–either from his grandfather or perhaps from the sale of his mother’s property–and used it to finance a trip to the coast where he fell in with a fast, sophisticated circle. Some Charlestonians had retreated to the Waxhaw region during the worst of the fighting on the coast, so Jackson had something of an entrée when he arrived. Here he found the pleasures of the turf, of good tailors, and of the gaming tables. “There can be little doubt that at this period he imbibed that high sense of honour, and unstudied elegance of air for which he has been since distinguished,” wrote the early Jackson biographer Henry Lee–as well as little doubt that his love of racehorses and fine clothes had its beginnings in Charleston, too.

After Jackson returned to Waxhaw, he grew restless. From 1781 to 1784, he tried his hand at saddle making and school teaching–neither seems to have gone very well–and then left South Carolina for good. For the rest of his life, for a man who adored talk of family, friends, and old times, Jackson mentioned Waxhaw very little, the only exceptions being conversation about his mother and about Revolutionary War action in the region–both things that he could claim as his own.

Decade after decade, he never chose to find the time to go to Waxhaw. Acknowledging the gift of a map of the region the year before he was elected president, Jackson wrote a well- wisher: “A view of this map pointing to the spot that gave me birth, brings fresh to my memory many associations dear to my heart, many days of pleasure with my juvenile companions”–words that might, taken alone, suggest warm memories of his frontier youth.

Referring to his “juvenile companions,” Jackson said, “but alas, most of them are gone to that bourne where I am hastening and from whence no one returns”–in other words, they were dead. “I have not visited that country since the year 1784,” he added–which, since he was writing in midsummer 1827, means that forty- three years had passed since he bothered to return. Turning as close to home as he could, Jackson concluded: “The crossing of the Waxhaw creek, within one mile of which I was born, is still, however, I see, possessed by Mr John Crawford, son of the owner (Robert) who lived there when I was growing up and at school. I lived there for many years, and from the accuracy which this spot is marked in the map, I conclude the whole must be correct.” With that Jackson signs off. The subject is closed.

Still, the roots of Jackson’s intellectual and rhetorical imagination lie in Waxhaw. Down the years Jackson could quote Shakespeare, Plutarch, and Alexander Pope, and almost certainly read more books than his harshest critics believed, but the foundations of his worldview most likely came from his childhood Sundays in South Carolina, where he spent hours soaking in eighteenth- century Presbyterianism.

Elizabeth Jackson wanted her Andrew to be a minister, an ambition for him that may have been among the reasons he was able to envision himself rising to a place of authority. Even more so than in succeeding American generations, clergymen played a central and special role in the life of the eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries. They were often the most educated men in a given place, conversant not only with scripture but with ancient tongues and the touchstones of English literature. They held center stage, with a standing claim on the time and attention (at least feigned) of their flocks, and they presided at the most important public moments of a Christian’s life–baptism, communion, marriage, death. Jackson’s sense of himself as someone set apart–the word “ordain” derives from the word “order,” and an ordained figure is one who puts things in order, arranges them, controls and even commands them–may have come in part from hearing his mother speak of him in such terms.

Jackson found other, larger spheres over which to preside than Carolina churches, but it would be a mistake to pass too quickly over the lasting influence his churchgoing had on the way he thought, spoke, wrote, and saw the world. He attended services at the Waxhaw meetinghouse throughout his early years, and these childhood Sabbaths are worth considering in trying to solve the mystery of how a man with so little formal education and such a sporadic–if occasionally intense–interest in books developed his sense of history and of humanity.

The service the Jacksons attended most likely started in midmorning. A psalm was sung–but without organ music, for Presbyterians were austere not only in their theology but in their liturgy–and a prayer said. Church historians suspect such prayers could stretch beyond twenty minutes in length. Then came a lesson from scripture–the selection could range from an entire chapter of a book of the Bible to a shorter reading followed by an explication–followed by the centerpiece of the morning: the minister’s sermon, an address that could range in length from thirty minutes to an hour. Another psalm or hymn closed the morning, which had by now consumed two hours of the day. There was a break for lunch, then an afternoon version of the same service, which everyone attended as well.

From his babyhood, then, Andrew Jackson probably spent between three and four hours nearly every Sunday for about fourteen years hearing prayers, psalms, scripture, sermons, and hymns: highly formalized, intense language evoking the most epic of battles with the greatest of stakes. In the words flowing from the minister on all those Sundays, Jackson would have been transported to imaginative realms where good and evil were at war, where kings and prophets on the side of the Lord struggled against the darker powers of the earth, where man’s path through a confusing world was lit by a peculiar intermingling of Christian mercy and might. God may well plan on exalting the humble and meek, but Jackson also heard the call of Gideon’s trumpet–the call to, as Saint Paul put it, fight the good fight.

Throughout his life, when he was under pressure, Jackson returned to the verses and tales of the Bible he had first heard in his childhood. He referred to political enemies as “Judases,” and at one horrible moment during the attacks on Rachel’s virtue in the 1828 campaign, Jackson’s mind raced to the language and force of the Bible in a crowded collection of allusions. “Should the uncircumcised philistines send forth their Goliath to destroy the liberty of the people and compel them to worship Mammon, they may find a David who trusts in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and of Jacob, for when I fight, it is the battles of my country,” Jackson wrote a friend.

That the image of King David–ancient Israel’s greatest monarch–came to Jackson’s mind is telling, for the connection he himself was drawing between David’s struggles and his own suggests the breadth of Jackson’s heroic vision of himself. David was a ruler who, chosen by the prophet Samuel, rose from obscurity to secure his nation and protect his people. A formidable soldier, he was a man of greatness and of God who was not without sin or sadness: that he stole Bathsheba, another man’s wife, stretches the analogy further than Jackson would ever have gone, but the story of lost fathers and sons in the tale of the death of David’s son Absalom echoed in Jackson’s own life. The Lord’s promise to David in II Samuel–“And thine house and thine kingdom shall be established for ever before thee; thy throne shall be established for ever”–would have resonated in Jackson’s imagination, for his life was dedicated to building not only his own family but his nation, and perhaps even founding a dynasty in which Andrew Donelson, as his protégé, might, as Jackson put it, “preside over the destinies of America.”

Jackson said he read three chapters of the Bible every day. His letters and speeches echo both scripture and the question- and- answer style of the Shorter Westminster Catechism. If the Bible, psalms, and hymns formed a substantial core of Jackson’s habits of mind, books about valor, duty, and warfare also found their way into his imagination. Jackson had only a handful of years of formal education–he was the least intellectually polished president in the short history of the office–and his opponents made much of his lack of schooling. When Harvard University bestowed an honorary degree on President Jackson in 1833, the man he had beaten for the White House, John Quincy Adams, a Harvard graduate, refused to come, telling the university’s president that “as myself an affectionate child of our Alma Mater, I would not be present to witness her disgrace in conferring her highest literary honors upon a barbarian who could not write a sentence of grammar and hardly could spell his own name.” Adams’s view was common in Jackson’s lifetime.

Jackson was not, however, as unlettered as the caricatures suggest. He was no scholar, but he issued elegant Caesar- like proclamations to his troops, understood men and their motives, and read rather more than he is given credit for. “I know human nature,” he once remarked, and he had learned the ways of the world not only on the frontier but also in snatches of literature. There was Oliver Goldsmith’s 1766 novel The Vicar of Wakefield, a story of redemption (the vicar faces much misfortune, yet perseveres through faith to a happy ending). It is not difficult to see why Jackson was drawn to the tale. “The hero of this piece,” Goldsmith wrote in an “Advertisement” for the book, “unites in himself the three greatest characters upon earth: he is a priest, an husbandman, and the father of a family.”

Jackson’s surviving library at the Hermitage is full of books of theology, history, and biography. There are numerous volumes of sermons (most, if not all, of them Rachel’s), and a fair collection of the works of Isaac Watts. His secular shelves are heavy on Napoleon, George Washington, and the American Revolution.

A favorite book was Jane Porter’s The Scottish Chiefs. The story of Sir William Wallace–a reluctant, noble warrior brought into combat against the domineering and cruel English when the king’s soldiers murder his wife–affected Jackson perhaps more than any other piece of writing outside scripture. “I have always thought that Sir William Wallace, as a virtuous patriot and warrior, was the best model for a young man,” Jackson once wrote. “In him we find a stubborn virtue . . . the truly undaunted courage, always ready to brave any dangers, for the relief of his country or his friend.”

The story, published in 1809, is something of a potboiler. More colorful than subtle, it is nonetheless a powerful book, and Jackson thrilled to it. “God is with me,” Wallace says as he realizes his wife is dead. “I am his avenger . . . God armeth the patriot’s hand!” The cause of Scotland became one with Wallace’s personal crusade for justice.

Jackson, too, had lost those he loved to the English. Orphaned in Waxhaw, he would struggle to build and keep a family everywhere else. In those distant forests, makeshift battlefields, and richer relatives’ houses he had seen the centrality of strength and of self- confidence. Both elements, so essential to his character and his career, can be traced to his mother’s influence, which was brief but lasting. In his mind she remained vivid and her example did, too–the example of strength amid adversity and of persevering no matter what. It is also likely that her dreams remained with him: chiefly her ambitious hope that he would become a clergyman, thus exercising authority and earning respect, all in the service of a larger cause. In the end Jackson chose to serve God and country not in a church but on battlefields and at the highest levels–but he did choose, as his mother had wished, to serve.

From the Hardcover edition.

Excerpted from American Lion by Jon Meacham Copyright © 2008 by Jon Meacham. Excerpted by permission of Random House Trade Paperbacks, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

SECOND CHANCE AT YOUR DREAM by Dorothea Hover-Kramer

June 21, 2009 - 2 Responses

Second Chance at Your Dream

Title: SECOND CHANCE AT YOUR DREAM
Author: Dorothea Hover-Kramer
Publisher: Energy Psychology Press
Genre: Mind, Body, Health
Language: English
Purchase at Amazon

“…the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.”
Poet John O’Donohue

Mary and Janet have been friends over 30 years. When they met for a recent lunch date, Janet seemed pale and tense. Mary’s traditional opening “How are you?” was tinged with genuine concern.

“I’m fine,” Janet replied automatically; then hesitantly added, “But I just had a close call on the freeway. Some old fart barely missed crashing into me and I’m still feeling a little shaky.”

To soothe her friend’s nerves, Mary chimed in, “Old fart? Remember, you’re 69 and I’m 71.” Chuckling, they recalled George Bernard Shaw’s saying “Old age is always 20 years older than you are…” and agreed “old” for them must mean ninety –or later.

As the friends chatted and enjoyed their lunch, Janet’s life-threatening incident dropped into the background and her taut shoulder muscles relaxed. Gradually, she returned to her normal self.

Beliefs and prejudices that surround the word “old” will be addressed later. But first, let’s focus on the emotional disturbance of Janet’s near -accident and the cumulative effects life-threatening stressors have. Further on, we’ll also consider ways of changing encrusted beliefs and resolving of everyday issues with the body’s energy resources.

“Out of kilter” for a while or longer

Brief, traumatic incidents are very real human experiences. Often, they leave us feeling out of sorts and imbalanced. Even the most focused individuals will have experiences causing disorientation and distress. In someone who is basically emotionally healthy, such turmoil may soon pass and be forgotten. However, if the pressure is unrelenting, or if the person leads an otherwise stress-filled life, it may take considerably longer to unwind from the shaky feeling Janet described.

If intense stress is repeated often and/or continuously (for many days or weeks) health changes such as high blood pressure, frequent headaches, or fatigue can set in. In addition, emotional disturbances such as ongoing anxiety or a quiet sense of despair become internalized as stressors keep piling up. It’s important to remember there are many dimensions of distress: the more obvious stress is one of too much to do with too little time, while another is the stress engendered by having too little meaningful activity. This results in boredom and underuse of one’s resources. The build-up of either stress and its effects on human energy levels is all too familiar in our culture. Recent statistics report over 75 percent of all physical illnesses are stress-related and that one in three American adults is depressed or anxious. Anti-depressants and tranquilizers are the most frequently prescribed drugs on the market. These figures dramatically increase in life’s later decades because stress has a cumulative effect over time.

All of us have had a jarring experience that left us exhausted and/or in pain for several days… although medical examination showed no broken bones or physical injury. Something more subtle has happened in such instances, not treatable with medication or procedures known to Western medicine. One way of understanding this condition is to say more subtle energies, or the energy body, absorbed the impact of the trauma and, as a result, became distorted, imbalanced, blocked, or depleted in some way.

Understanding changes in energy levels is often captured in popular language. For example, we often may hear statements such as “I feel charged (with energy)” or “I feel depleted (of energy), or “I feel scattered…fragmented… pulled… or… pushed.” These approximate the true condition of the energy body at any given moment.

For most people, energetic disturbance occurs frequently, perhaps several times a day. It can be sensed as a tired, depleted feeling with vague discomfort in the entire body. It can, in fact, be assessed by healthcare professionals who have studied Therapeutic Touch, Healing Touch, Reiki or some of the other well-known other energy therapy modalities. “Energy field disturbance” is recognized as an accepted nursing diagnosis (1) and guides caregivers to rebalance human energies with specific techniques.

Coming back “online”

Understanding energetic imbalance as a distortion of the energy body leads us to seek relevant remedies. For example, people say, “I need to recharge my batteries” or, “I want to refocus myself” or, “I must pull myself together.” While recognizing imbalance and stating intention for relief is helpful, focused activity is needed to renew one’s inner vitality.

Here are two exercises (2) to relieve energy field disturbance such as the one impacting Janet:

Exercise 1.1. Centering
1. While sitting comfortably, release the breath fully with a sigh, or as if you’re blowing out a candle. Do this 2 to 3 times more while imaging stress and tension flowing out through your hands and feet. The in-breath will naturally be deeper as you proceed.
2. Allow yourself to imagine a peaceful place in nature… seeing, hearing, feeling, even smelling it. Let the peacefulness fill your body with light and warmth. Continue to release any tension or emotional distress with each breath.
3. After 5-10 minutes, notice how you feel and jot down any images or ideas that came to you. Notice how your breathing has become deeper and describe any changes such as relief of muscle tension in your body.

Exercise 1.2. The Brush Down

1. As you think of a recent stressful event, set your intention to release its effects. While sitting or standing, take a deep breath and let it go, fully releasing pressure and tension. Imagine giving it to the earth to be healed and cleansed. Again, breathe and exhale to let any remaining tension flow out through your hands and feet.
2. Next, bring your hands above your head on the in-breath and breathe out fully while gently brushing downward above the body, head to toe. Allow a sigh or groan to help release the tension fully as the hands move downward.
3. Continue releasing with each out-breath while brushing with one hand from under each arm, then alternating to the other side. Then, brush with both hands down the upper and lower back, the groin area and the inside of your legs. Imagine you are smoothing the ruffled edges of your energy field.
4. Notice how you feel after 3-5 minutes of this exercise.
Allow yourself to use one these exercises each morning when you first arise to soften the transition into the day. Also, remember to use one when something nerve-wracking happens, such as getting caught in a traffic jam or feeling pressured…Experience will prove which is most helpful to restore your vitality quickly.

Other blocks to energy flow

In the second half of life people often become interested in the lives of famous and/or successful seniors— elders who live a long time, continue being highly creative, seem unshaken by declines in health and overcome incredible obstacles. Are these super heroes? How do they really do it?

Wondering about this, many people notice the futility of their internal pep talks and inability to make goal-setting, positive thinking, friendly advice and examples from the stars work for them. The flow of inner vitality can become impeded in the second half of life unless major shifts occur.

For discussion in this book, the metaphor of energy flowing like a river around and though the body will be used. This flow sends instant communications to vital organs and hormones, regulates cellular integrity and brings liveliness to every chosen activity. Just as a fallen snag or tree can obstruct the flow of a river, patterns of belief and automatic thinking can block the flow of life-giving, inspiring energy. Behind the obstructions stagnant pools build up. Over time, less and less movement occurs as sludge gathers and further clogs the water flow pathways. In addition to energy system disruption by a traumatic event, blockages to psychological energy flows become apparent in the form of limiting or dysfunctional beliefs(3) and repeated ineffective responses to day-to-day stressors.

Interventions to change direction by breaking down or removing impediments are needed. Pete believed in control. As a retired school superintendent he knew the value of structure to contain what he called “the herds of unruly children” under his direction. After retiring from his stressful job, Pete transferred his controlling tendencies to regulating his wife, their joint monies and her participation in the senior community where they lived. He became convinced she was looking for a younger man and even stole the car keys so she could not leave home. She came to therapy to find relief from “Parsimonious Pete.” Fortunately, he also became curious about changing the circumscribed life he had created.

The vast barriers Pete had built up revolved around his core belief that no one could be trusted. The power of this belief caused not only stagnation but also misery. With careful attention to ways of building trust, Pete’s therapist gently let him to find more functional beliefs such as “not everyone is an unruly child…. my wife is trustworthy… I can safely take small steps to reach out to others.” Pete’s therapist then helped him to strengthen the shift in perception by having him touch specific points on his body to release the old patterns and imbed new, more effective thinking styles.

Here’s a sample resource to help shift one of your limiting beliefs by gently holding or tapping some of the body’s energy points:

Exercise 1.3 Changing a limiting mindset

Think of a belief you or a friend currently hold about aging. Rate the truth of the belief on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 means it’s barely true for you, 2-6 means it’s pretty frustrating and bothers you, 7-10 means it really makes you dislike yourself or your friend for believing it).

1. Take a deep breath and release it fully. Think of the mindset in its possible worst format and briefly connect with the feeling generated in you. (Examples, “Getting old is hell… You’ll lose everything.”)
2. Gently tap or hold where the eyebrow meets the nose. If possible, use both hands to alternately and slowly tap this point 10-15 times. Take a deep breath and let it go.
3. Gently tap or hold at the outer eye, on the bony orbit, in the same way while thinking of the belief. Take a deep breath and release fully.
4. Gently tap or hold the point under the nose while thinking for a moment about the belief. Take another deep releasing breath.
5. Gently tap or hold both sides of the collarbone points just below the clavicle near the “notch” in the middle of the upper sternum. Take another releasing breath.
6. Gently tap or hold the sides of the hand, on the “karate chop” points. (If you turn the hands slightly you can tap on both points simultaneously.) Take a deep breath and relax.
7. Sitting comfortably notice any change in the irritation caused by the belief. Now follow steps 2-6 with a more empowering belief. (Examples, “I can make the second half of life as creative and fun as I wish. ..I’m not doomed… I’m the choice-maker..,I can attract the resources I need to help me.”)
8. Rate your relation to the new belief again on your scale. Notice how you feel inside.
In addition to revising long-held beliefs, resolving temporary conflicts within ourselves or with others is a much needed skill. Using resources within the body’s energy system can help to release a negative emotion so the mind is fully available for problem-solving.
Ginny was constantly irritated by the men’s noisy pool table games at her community center. One day she decided she had to speak out on behalf of the many women who enjoyed doing needlework in the same large hall. She began by treating her heart center and affirming she did not need anger to make her point. When she was calmer, Ginny was able to organize her thoughts, gather several allies form the sewing group and speak in a firm, logical manner to the leader of the men’s group. The result was renewed understanding from the men and an invitation to join in the planning for their upcoming square dance.

Here’s a brief exercise to reduce the intensity of a feeling and to clear the mind to help resolve a problem:

Exercise 1.4. Releasing a strong feeling

1. Think of a recent event which generated a strong feeling within you. Rate the intensity of the feeling on a scale of 1-10 (1 meaning not very strong, 3-6 meaning quite strong, and 7+ meaning it really agitates you or even reminds you of a prior life-threatening event.)
2. Bring one or both hands over the mid-chest known as your heart center. Gently move the hands to the left and circle them in a clockwise fashion.
3. While doing so, affirm “Even though _____has happened (or even though ____said this to me) I still deeply and profoundly honor and accept myself.” Repeat several times using your own words but keeping the intention of the message.
4.Continue gentle brushes downward over the rest of your torso and release the offensive words or actions to the earth.
5. Affirm to positive intention you hold for yourself by moving upward with gentle spins from the feet to the crown of your head. Examples, “I speak my truth effectively…I gather the resources I need to face this issue…I deserve to express myself.”
6. Note how your feel in relation to the problem and rate the intensity of the earlier feeling on your 1-10 scale.
Traumatic events, constricting beliefs and strong negative emotions create an imprint, or constriction that impedes the smooth flow of energetic messaging in the body. With the sample exercises given in this chapter you have basic resources for dealing with 3 aspects of the human energy system:
• handling sudden jarring events which impact the whole energy system
• recognizing and revising limiting belief patterns, and
• releasing negative emotions related to current life events and accessing better options.

These tools will be helpful as we explore ways of accessing a full energy life. The intention is to open your energy flow, release blockages, and experience your vitality more fully.
Other than increased oxygen from taking deeper breaths and possible inner calming, you may not notice dramatic changes right away. Like doing an exercise routine or taking vitamins, the effects of self-care interventions may become more evident when repeated regularly over several weeks and months. In time, however, you may also notice increased self-esteem and personal effectiveness. One person who employed these methods for several weeks observed, “I feel as if I can handle whatever challenges come my way. I’m more confident; I don’t feel quite so helpless or unwanted anymore.”

A quick life review

To conclude, let’s engage in a quick life review. Self-discovery is at the heart of change and can guide your non-judgmental, self-caring path to higher levels of well-being:
1.Note what you’re already doing that has engenders a positive outlook and works for you:_____________________________
2. Note the life goals you have yet to achieve:______________________________________
3. Note what seems to hold you back from your creativity and expressing fully who you really are:___________________________
4. Note something irrational in yourself such as unrealistic expectations of yourself or others, dependence on substances to make you feel good, indulging in diversions and “time killers” such as TV, ideos, computer games, or card games:_________________________________________
5. Ask yourself how you usually handle strong negative emotions:______________________________________and how you would like things to improve:___________________
6. Note whether you have retired from life prematurely or settled for less than optimal in your life:__________________________________
7. Note how your handle surprises, upsets, and change:__________________________________
8. Note what you do that brings joy, play and the spirit of laughter into your everyday life:________________________________________

*****
I encourage you to deeply honor and respect your wish for a fuller life. In the next two chapters we’ll explore the theories and science supporting the idea of establishing healthy energy flows in your body. Further on, we’ll look at many ways to establish balance between activity and rest, reaching out and going within, the skills so needed to restore the vital energies of your being.

THE PYEWIZ AND THE AMAZING MOBILE PHONE by Herbert Howard Jones

June 14, 2009 - Leave a Response

The Pyewiz and the Amazing Mobile Phone

Title: THE PYEWIZ AND THE AMAZING MOBILE PHONE
Author: Herbert Howard Jones
Publisher: YouWriteOn
Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
Language: English
Purchase at Barnes & Noble

“Ouch!” Terry McTrain screwed up his face in agony. The sharp point of the other boy’s cutlass nicked his shoulder, and blood oozed through the jagged tear in his shirt. His mum would go crazy!

The boy he was fighting was a good swordsman. If Terry wasn’t careful he would end up with another wound.

He swished his own weapon ambitiously through the air, but missed his opponent by a mile. It gave the strangely familiar boy a chance to jab him in the belly, and this time it really hurt. Terry dropped his own cutlass in shock. More blood, even redder than before, oozed through his shirt.

Shaking, he reached down to unbutton it, but found himself grabbing the edge of the blanket instead. With a start he sat up in bed and looked round. He had been dreaming!

Still shaking slightly, he let out a long slow relieved breath and glanced over at the clock on the desk by his bed. It was nearly seven, time to get up. Then almost against his will, his eyes came to rest on the mess of papers next to the computer. Homework! Tons of it and his form master wanted it handed in today.

But this was simply not possible, unless he did it on the bus. Unfortunately the journey to school only took twenty minutes, which was hardly enough time to think about the homework, let alone do it. Terry got out of bed, his mind pondering. He would just have to think of an excuse.

“Where is it?” said Mr Ibsen, his form master, after class had been dismissed that afternoon.

“Where’s what, sir?” said Terry playing for time and gaining three more seconds.

His form master grinned humourlessly. “Don’t be cute with me, McTrain. You know what.”

Terry was just going reply but Mr Ibsen interrupted him. “I’m afraid it will have to be detention for you, young man. This is the third time this week that you haven’t handed in any homework!”

“But Mr Ibsen, sir,” replied Terry worriedly. “I had to help my parents clear out a room in our guest house for a new tenant. I was going to do the essay on the bus this morning, but I was too tired.”

His form master glared at Terry in a most horrible way. “Did you say on the bus?”
Terry face reddened.

Mr Ibsen shook his head. “You’re not supposed to do your homework on the bus, now are you? Homework is work that you do at home. Schoolwork is work that you do at school..”

“Yes Mr Ibsen..”

“If we wanted you to do your homework on the bus, we wouldn’t call it homework, now would we?”

“No sir,”

“You had a week to do the essay on Victorian children’s classics,” continued Mr Ibsen.

“And it was easy enough, to compare any two popular children’s stories of your choice. And I only wanted a page.”

Terry nodded, badly wishing he had done the essay last night, instead of watching that talent show with his best friend Will.

“You’ve got one more chance McTrain,” said Mr Ibsen rising from his desk and packing his briefcase. “I want the essay on my desk promptly at nine am tomorrow, or you’ll be kept behind to do it in your own time.”

“Yes sir, thank you sir,” said Terry.

“And what’s the matter with your left eye?” demanded his form master giving him a strange look. “You don’t wear mascara, do you?”

“Mascara, sir? No!” said Terry completely bemused by his teacher’s comment.

Mr Ibsen frowned. “Its your eye, its gone a funny colour!”

“Has it?” said Terry rubbing his eyelid.

“Go and wash it off!” said Mr Ibsen striding out of the classroom with his briefcase. “And read my lips, homework on my desk, nine o’clock tomorrow, no excuses!”

“Yes sir,” said Terry. He followed Mr Ibsen out of the class room and then went home.

After tea, Terry went up to his bedroom and set his schoolbooks on the little desk next to his bed. He glanced at his notes and then yawned. He just wasn’t in the mood to do the homework that night. If anything, all he wanted to do was get on the chat rooms.

He switched on the computer, which was perched at an angle on the desk, and logged on. Within moments he was busily chatting with Will and the crew. The bedroom door suddenly opened. It was his mum.

“Take Tiny out for a tiddle, will you dear,” his mum said.

“Oh, do I have to?” said Terry looking down at their white pet Jack Russell who had followed his mum up the stairs.

“Yes, you do,” his mum replied. “Now get off that computer and take the dog out. Or I’ll get your father to unplug it and give it to the dustman.”

Terry reluctantly got to his feet, leaving the computer on standby. He then went downstairs and took the dog for a very quick walk round the block. By the time he got back, it was after seven o’clock, time for the pop chart show.

Terry settled down to watch the program with his parents. The program featured various bands from the seventies, which was Terry’s favourite decade.

Before he knew it, it was ten o’ clock. He had dozed off! Far too late to be doing any homework. Perhaps he would spend ten minutes on the computer before going to bed. But just then the phone rang and his mother answered it.

“Terry, its for you!” she called.

“Who is it?” asked Terry as he reluctantly went out into the hallway to take the call.

His mum shrugged. “It sounds like you,”

“What?” Terry took the old fashion receiver from her. “Hello?”

“Terry? Is that you?” a voice said excitedly down the phone. “It’s me, Terry.”

Terry pulled a face. “Sorry? Did you say your name was Terry?”

“Yes, Terry McTrain, I’m you, phoning from the future!” said the voice.

“Is that you Will?” said Terry with a smirk on his face.

“Listen,” the voice continued. “I know you’ll find it hard to believe, but can you hear this?”

Terry listened and could hear what sounded like explosions and gunfire in the background. “Come on, who is this?” Terry asked again.

“Did you hear that?” said the voice. “Well, I’m on board this ship in the middle of a battle.”

“Right,” said Terry. “Either tell me who this is, or I’m going to hang up. It’s you Will, isn’t it?”

“No it isn’t, but I’ll give you some proof that I’m you,” said the voice. “Mr Ibsen’s going to give you detention if you don’t do your English homework, isn’t he?”

Terry paused. Now how on earth did Will know that? He wasn’t even in his class. “Who have you been speaking to?” asked Terry, intrigued. “Or is that you Graham?” (Graham was the boy who sat next to him in school.).

There was a sigh on the other end of the phone. “Never mind. But whatever you do, promise me one thing, Terry? Don’t trust Soupie.”

“Soupie?” said Terry quite baffled. “I haven’t a clue who you’re talking about mate.”

“Look it’s a matter of life and death,” said the voice. “You just have to believe me! And whatever you do, don‘t go to Charon!”

“Where?” asked Terry frowning.

“Its hard to explain,” said the voice sounding very remote.

“Look, I’ve got to go now,” said Terry tiredly. “I’ll speak to you online,”

“Just remember,” said the voice as another bang sounded in the background. “Don’t trust Soupie. He’s going to try and trick you.”

Terry thoughtfully put down the phone. Not that he was the least bit fazed by the call. He knew it was Will messing about. But how did he know about Mr Ibsen’s threat of detention?

He bid his parents goodnight, went up to his room, logged on and chatted to Will until way past eleven. Terry quizzed him about the call. Will emphatically denied making it, swearing on his terrapin’s life. Terry knew what a fibber Will could be, but he didn’t press the point.

Finally, red eyed, and quite tired, Terry logged off, had a quick wash and went to bed. As he was drifting off to sleep, he thought about what he was going to say to Mr Ibsen regarding his homework.

Images of famous children’s characters took shape in his mind and danced about before his closed eyes. Terry turned over in the darkness and faced the wall next to his bed. He would have to do the essay tomorrow on the bus. If he didn’t, Mr Ibsen would definitely make him stay behind for detention.

Then, with one great big yawn, Terry drifted off, and as he did so, he had the strangest sensation. He felt like he was on a boat which was slowly sailing into space..

Meanwhile, near Pluto..

“Just dig and don’t ask any stupid questions,” commanded the Pyewiz, a seven foot tall tubby pirate with a posh lispy voice. “I’ll explain everything later!”

There were five pirates standing around a hole in the snow in a cold deserted place that looked like the north pole. A sixth man was doing the digging.

“Is this deep enough?” asked the man with the spade.

“You’ve barely scratched the surface,” replied the Pyewiz.
“Go another two feet down at least,”

“The ice gets harder the further down you go, Cap’n,”

“Just do it,” commanded the Pyewiz.

The Pyewiz was clearly bored and it showed on his terrifying face. He kept twitching his black moustache and fingering the two long blue scars on his cheeks. (They were coloured to look like war paint.)

As it was a particularly cold afternoon, he wore a brown fur overcoat which trailed on the ground behind him. Under this was a green velvet jacket and a striped green and white shirt on top of a pair of green breeches. His men were similarly dressed.

A quarter of his head was concealed beneath a dark green Napoleonic tricorn hat which had been stolen from a Frenchman many years before. And sticking out from under it were more grey plaits than you would find on the heads of a pair of old spinsters.

But his hat was more than a mere head covering. Along one side was a long red feather, and on the other, a copper antenna. Some called it his thinking cap. In a way it was because it could pick up signals from half-way across the galaxy.

Sometimes he would wear a cumbersome brass earpiece which would hang down from the inside over his left ear. It enabled him to keep touch with his men, no matter where they were.

And if war was in the immediate prospect of breaking out, he was well prepared. Around his middle were quite a few weapons. These included pistols, daggers and at least two cutlass’s which adorned his thick diamond and ruby studded black leather belt.

Two large intertwining silver snakes with green emerald eyes served as a buckle, and this barely held back his considerable belly. Another inch of fat would have been the belt’s undoing. Otherwise, his round face and general height gave him the impression of being a powerful man. A pair of brown furry mukluks, like Eskimo boots, set him off. He looked ready for any battle in any weather.

But of course, being called ‘The Pyewiz’ was just a friendly nickname. To his men, he was otherwise known as the ‘dark prince’ of the open seas, or ‘Blackbeard’s worst foe’, or simply ‘Captain Kork’. All of these names sent shivers down the spines of his enemies.

But it was his cursing and swearing which terrified men the most. It would turn them into a quivering jelly.

However, at this moment, he was quite calm. In fact he was holding a large yellow book which had more than a passing resemblance to a phone directory.

The title on the front was: ‘BOOK OF HOURS.’ The Pyewiz flicked though it one more time and tried to conceal a shudder as he silently read to himself the following words; “And he with the purple eye shall smite thee, First lord of the Land of Snow and Ice, not once but three times. Ye shall not know rest, but the pain of being vanquished by the one who looks like the other.”

“Cap’n,” interrupted one of the men, apparently reading his mind. “I wouldn’t let it bother you, sir.”

The Pyewiz looked up from the book, affronted by the sailor’s temerity. “What?”

“I don’t mean to be forward, Cap’n sir,” said the man. ” But we all know the prediction is a nonsense. There’s only one person with the purple eye and he’s on our side,”

The Pyewiz snapped the book shut. “No, there are two, but did I ask for your opinion?” he said sharply. “Just get this unsightly tome buried! If I could burn it I would, but there is a sorcery in it’s making which makes it inviolable to fire. Still, burying it is good. And by the way, you are all sworn to secrecy on pain of death.”

He then tossed the large book into the hole. The pirate with the spade immediately started to cover it with earth and snow.

“Cap’n, shall I put a marker above the ground like a cross or something?” asked the man with the spade.

“No you idiot. We’re trying to dispose of it, not advertise it’s whereabouts. But if we need it again, which I doubt, remember that we’ve buried it near that funny looking tree.”
Everyone stopped what they were doing to gaze at the gnarled old tree nearby.
“But I swear,” said the Pyewiz. “if anyone of you attempts to retrieve or dig up this worthless book, you will rue the day you were born. Otherwise, I would not be Captain Kork, the Pyewiz!”

And at these words, the men cheered. Then, after burying the book, they went back to the ship which was perched on the snow on a giant pair of skis.

It was just a pity for the Pyewiz that the spade was left behind, marking the very spot where the book was buried.

BEYOND THE CODE OF CONDUCT by K.M. Daughters

June 11, 2009 - Leave a Response

Beyond the Code of Conduct

Title: BEYOND THE CODE OF CONDUCT
Author: K.M. Daughters
Publisher: The Wild Rose Press
Genre: Romantic Suspense
Language: English
Purchase at Amazon

Bobbie Leighton huddled, miserable, in the compact rental car. The defroster and heater fan blasted tepid air in her face but did nothing to penetrate the biting cold. Her windows fogged more each time she exhaled a vaporous breath in the frigid cabin. Rubbing wet circles of condensation from the glass with her gloves, she watched for the arrival of the hearse-led procession at the cemetery.

The assignment that began with attendance at Jimmy Sullivan’s funeral was logical, considering her history with the Sullivan family. None the less, she had begged the Special Agent in Charge to send someone else or, if for no other reason but to save the airfare, have a Special Agent in Chicago question the family.

Her boss was unyielding; the assignment was hers.

She wondered what kind of reception was in store for her, especially from Joe Sullivan. She chewed at the corner of her lip, fearing it would be as frosty as her windshield.

She shivered not only because of the lack of heat, but the chilling implications of Jimmy’s death. He had been murdered, and if her agency’s Intel was right, it might have had something to do with his connection with Bradley Sterling. The Sullivans wouldn’t want her to prove that theory.

The memory of the woeful resonance of the bagpipes reverberating in the great cathedral at the funeral Mass was haunting. Mourners, most of them Chicago PD, had filled hundreds of rows of pews. Yet, only the hearse and two stretch limos glided past her parked car on the skinny road like huge ships sailing through a narrow strait.

The limos parked on the rise ahead of her and emptied with sounds like gunshots cracking the sub-zero air as doors were shoved closed. Six men, surely John Sullivan, his sons and son-in-law, stood in ready formation at the rear of the hearse prepared to carry Jimmy’s casket to the gravesite. The three Sullivan women, arms linked, walked toward the
grave, marked by a mound of frozen clods of grassy soil mixed with snow.

The pallbearers carried Jimmy toward his final rest, dark silhouettes against the pure white landscape and crystalline blue sky.

Bobbie turned off the engine and left the car.

Feeling conspicuous as her boots crunched ice, she was careful not to tramp too heavily on the snow-crusted graves beneath her feet. She neared the group as the men eased the casket onto the interment scaffold. Heads snapped up and all eyes focused on Bobbie, the interloper at a private family funeral.

Jean Sullivan’s eyes bored into her until she nodded in recognition and bowed her head again. Standing at Danny’s right side, Molly’s face bloomed with a smile and she stretched out her arm to encourage Bobbie to flank her in its welcoming circle. Bobbie fell in line.

“In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit….”

The priest’s intonations and sporadic nose sniffs, the only sounds in their small, sorrowful world. Pressed against Molly’s side, Bobbie ventured a glance at Joe. He wasn’t in uniform. None of the men were—another surprise since she had expected a full-blown Chicago PD funeral. Joe, like his brothers, wore a black wool suit, starched white shirt and
black-on-black striped tie. No rank stripes, department logos or other trappings of law
enforcement were visible. No coats, either. He stood a few feet apart from his siblings in unmovable solitude, the black eye patch he wore at odds with his conservative Sunday suit. His jaw clamped shut; his glacier blue eye stared at the casket. He didn’t deign to give her a single blink.

No surprise there. Maybe it’s for the best. If he
stays away, it might make my job easier.

“May your perpetual light shine upon him,” invoked the priest. “May his soul and all the souls of the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace.”

“Amen.”

An officious undertaker toted an armful of roses. He picked single stems from the bunch, handed one to each of them and instructed them to pay their last respects. Linked to Molly and Danny, Bobbie stepped toward the casket. They placed their flowers atop the lacquered mahogany surface, stood a few moments with bowed heads and moved away from the grave to make room for others.

The brief ceremony complete, the undertaker advanced forward to the head of the casket. “There will be a luncheon reception at the home of Kay and Michael Lynch,” he announced in a soft, silky voice.

“You’ll come, Bobbie?” Molly’s red-rimmed eyes implored her.

“Of course I will.” She patted Molly’s arm. “I’ll meet you there.”

“We have to stop at the house and pick up the kids first.” Molly squeezed her hand and gave her a shy smile. “I can’t wait for you to meet our little ones.”

Guilt sliced through her. “I’ll hardly recognize Amy. I’m sorry, Mol that—”

“Oh God, my baby!” Jean Sullivan’s outburst shattered the stillness and pierced Bobbie’s heart. Danny strode toward his mother. Jean’s living children folded around their mother to shield her from the unthinkable fact that her youngest child would be lowered into the ground forever.

Molly’s body shook and Bobbie engulfed her in a hug to offer what comfort she could. Wobbly, too, she could do nothing but witness the family’s suffering. They helped Jean into the car and Bobbie waited for Molly to join Danny before returning to the rental car.
****
Damn him for buying me that last beer. I never dreamed the likes of Jimmy Sullivan would hit on me at the bar. I wish I could remember. Did I really say anything about the babies? Guess I did. Somehow he knew about the Windsor Village delivery. Even though he asked for my number, I never thought he’d call. But he did. Hell, he even sprang for dinner.

Then back to his place. I knew what was going to happen and with that dreamboat I was ready. Damn him. All he wanted to do was talk about the babies.

“So how does this work? This baby racket deal you got going.”

He laughed when I suggested we work on it in his bedroom. LAUGHED. No one laughs at me. But I told him all about it. Everything. Gave him the intro. Even let him take notes on his computer. Why not? He wasn’t going to tell anyone. Ever.

Look at them all banded together. The high-and- mighty Sullivan family… minus one. Wish they could have seen their precious son on his knees. Wouldn’t beg, though. Not like Daddy. No. Sullivan wanted to negotiate.

Maybe it didn’t have to be that way with Jimmy.

But he lied. They all lie to get what they want.

Greedy bastard.
****
Dispirited and not up to the task before her, Bobbie drove to Kay and Mike’s house. She had to park her car a block away and deal with the bone-chilling walk in the blustery January air.

She trooped into the house behind a line of other guests and entered the familiar foyer. The warmth of pleasant memories in that elegant home and the clamor of conversations around her flooded her senses.

She’d find Kay in the kitchen.

People hovered over a spread of food on the picnic-style table balancing paper plates and plastic utensils. They milled around the refrigerator and sink, Kay, a shiny blonde pixie in their midst.

“Kay, I’m so sorry.” Bobbie rushed toward Jimmy’s sister and threw her arms around her.

“Thank you so much for coming.” Kay’s voice muffled against her shoulder.

Bobbie gently released the embrace and leaned against the center island in the cheerful kitchen. The air was spiced with cinnamon and the cloying sweetness of too many carnations. Condolence bouquets covered most of the countertop space and
baked goods covered the rest.

Kay sniffed and jabbed tears away from under each eye. “I’ve been baking, just baking. All night long. I can’t seem to stop.” She jerked her shoulders in a helpless shrug. “He always loved my baking. Always had a sixth sense that I was taking one of his favorites out of the oven. He would appear out of the blue…”

Kay bent at the waist with the weight of sob- wracked grief.

“Oh, honey…” Bobbie draped an arm over Kay’s shoulder.

“I called him.” Mikey, Kay’s eldest, stepped in front of Bobbie. Already a head taller than his mother, he had the Sullivan men’s Celtic good looks and the long frame that predicted he’d have their impressive physiques as well.

Kay straightened and eyed her son. “What do you mean you called him?”

Mikey grinned at his mother. “I called all the uncles with baking alerts. Charged ‘em five bucks admission, too. How do you think I bought my first bike?”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Kay erupted in a bawdy, Irish barroom laugh. “You little devil.”

Grateful to Mikey for finding a way to lessen his mother’s pain, Bobbie joined in the laughter. They all wiped tears from their eyes when they could breathe again.

“Kay, do you know what Jimmy was working on recently?” Bobbie asked.

Kay gave her a penetrating look. “Not really. Why?”

“There may be a connection with a case I’m working on in New York.”

“Really? How could that be?”

“I don’t know yet. But if I can piece it together, I might be able to help find Jimmy’s killer.”

Kay nodded. “I wish I could help you, but as far as I know his work was routine. You should talk to Daddy and my brothers. They’ll know more.”

“I will.” She kissed Kay on the cheek. “Thanks.”

“Sure. Eat some of this food, will you? Please.”

Bobbie filled a plate and wandered into the crowded den.

“Bobbie, you’re a vision, young lady.” John Sullivan stood up from a couch. “Jean and I are grateful you came all this way to pay your respects to our Jimmy. We’ve been following your career. We’re very proud of you.”

“Thank you, sir. That means a lot coming from you. My condolences to you both.” Bobbie glanced down at the bereaved mother, seated on the loveseat.

Jean nodded, her face a mask of grief. John bent down toward his wife and squeezed her hand. “Mr. Sullivan, do you mind answering a few questions about Jimmy’s recent cases?”
“I don’t mind telling you what I know, Bobbie.”

He gave her a wary smile. “Let’s find a place to sit.”

No one knew anything beyond vague generalities. The Sullivan clan was close and they
made it their habit to help each other professionally when asked. Jimmy hadn’t asked for help or advice based on her conversations with his dad and four out of five siblings. That left Joe.

She debated whether to question Joe or not based on the law of percentages. Why deal with him when he probably didn’t know more than any of the other Sullivans?

He didn’t give her a choice. A flighty shimmer of heat dove inside her. She turned as he approached. The shimmer twisted and knotted like an electric vice around her heart. In a second the welcome she intended to give him dissolved. His face was as icy as
the January landscape outside.

He placed a hand around her bicep in a far from gentle grip. “Is it my turn to be interrogated?”

The physical connection jolted to her toes. The pressure of his hand, the hard line of his lips and his level stare rigid—no sign of the boyish sweetness she
remembered.

“Hello, Joe.” She forced a benign smile while she yanked her arm out of his hold. “I’m very sorry for your loss.”

“Save it. Why are you nosing around here?”

“I’m not nosing around.”

Angling her head to study his face, a calm descended. Her work grounded her. She was good at it and even their shared past couldn’t intimidate her from doing her job. “I’m so sorry for what you must be going through. Jimmy was a wonderful person. I can only imagine—”

“Spill it, Bobbie.”

She huffed in exasperation. “Whether you believe it or not, I care deeply about your family. If anything, I’m trying to help catch Jimmy’s killer.”

“What does a Fibbie have to do with a beat cop’s death? What are you working on?”

“I’m developing a case in New York that might have Chicago ties. I think Jimmy knew something about it. Did he mention anything to you about what he was working on?”

“If he did I won’t tell you, unless you tell me exactly why you want to know.”

She searched his face, his eye like a polar tractor beam trained on her. She saw no warmth in that pretty blue iris rimmed in white. His eyes used to spark a sweet playfulness and look at her as if she had hung the moon. The unflinching expression on his face now was more suited to staring down a felony suspect.

She’d done nothing to earn his distrust and longed to undo whatever it was that made him look at her that way. Because she still trusted him.

“There’s a connection between Jimmy and Bradley Sterling, Esquire—a New York hotshot
attorney,” she said. “He’s the subject of the case I’m building. He’s suspected of being the key player in a human trafficking ring. Babies. High-priced, private adoptions. We don’t know how he gets the babies.

And Jimmy talked to him. At least once.”

“Bullshit.”

“There are cell phone records.”

“His phone was stolen.”

“Really?” That knowledge elated her. “When?
Did he report it?”

“Don’t know. His cell is missing. And his laptop was demo’ed. They ransacked his apartment. Nothing is left to go on.”

“Well that tells us something, doesn’t it? Can you get me into his apartment?” She faced him, feet planted. “Look, Joe—”

“We’ll handle it here. I want you off this case.”

“Not likely.” She stared into his eye. “There’s a connection. I just have to determine what and why.”

“You think Jimmy was dirty?”

His tone registered like physical punishment to her. “I don’t think anything. I know—.”

“Forget it.”

He stalked away.

She didn’t think Jimmy was dirty, but it would do no good to follow Joe and keep hammering that home. She sighed and searched the crowded room for someone to chat with.

Everyone seemed linked in pairs. Displaced as well as aggravated, she left Kay’s house as soon as she could for another dip into the refrigerated outdoors.

The cold didn’t penetrate to her bones like it had before. Downright warm out here compared to standing next to Joe. She slid into the car, the vinyl seats stiff and crackling beneath her, and turned on the motor. She revved it a couple times and let it idle, deep in
thought.

She’d stick around for the weekend to poke around Jimmy’s precinct and catch up with Molly’s beautiful brood. And to think. Hard. About the Sullivans, Joe in particular. She’d figure it all out. She always did.
****
Two days later Bobbie hugged Molly’s family good-bye. Spit-up on the shoulder of her coat, she set out for O’Hare airport. Molly lived near the center of town and Bobbie had her choice of back street routes to get to the Interstate: the most direct would take
her past Joe’s condo complex.

With time to spare, she could take a longer route and circumvent the memory of the brutal attack in Joe’s parking lot. But avoidance was never her style. She drove to the spot where a killer had slashed her and nearly made her his sixth victim.
She parked her rental car in Joe’s empty parking space beneath a willow tree that loomed
larger than it had more than six years ago. She let the engine idle as she recalled the event in vivid detail.

A flash of naked terror took her breath. His vileness, the brute strength of his grip had turned her into a frail rag doll. But she had used her head to buy time just like Joe had taught her. Then Joe was there. From the ground she saw his bare feet planted in the grass and his calm voice demanded that her assailant drop his weapon. A gun fired and
it was over. She inhaled a deep cleansing breath. It was
over.

She swiveled in her seat and searched through the rear window. Joe lost his eye just over there. And she focused on the spot where she lost Joe.

THE SITTING SWING by Irene Watson

June 9, 2009 - One Response

9781932690675-template.qxd

Title: THE SITTING SWING
Author: Irene Watson
Publisher: Loving Healing Press
Genre: Nonfiction; Self-Help; Memoir
Language: English
Purchase at Amazon

It was the damnedest thing that they thought I’d fall for it. A video camera in plain sight, in one corner of my room, pointing right in on everything I’d be doing for the next twenty-eight days. Not likely. I couldn’t figure out why they wouldn’t bother hiding the thing. Even a hanging plant in front of it might have kept me from noticing it for an hour or two. But they didn’t even try, and that was their real weakness as far as I was concerned. Here they were, helping some of the most messed-up people you can imagine, people addicted to just about anything, and they thought if they had cameras watching these people get dressed, watching them sleep, that they would just reveal everything about themselves in an instant?

Some experts. I started to wonder why I’d paid good money to be here. But there it iswe all want to fit in. I had many friends graduate from this utopian little institute, and they all swore it changed their lives. They all used “Avalon talk” as I called it—the catch phrases and jargon used in this Avalon Center. Tiring as it was to listen to their new language, they were my friends, and it was even more of a challenge to be outside the group in that way. So, I decided to call some of my own challenges “addictions” and to make a trip here. Twenty-eight days of dealing with real addicts; then I could graduate and get back on the inside track with my friends.

I pulled a chair out from the small desk and turned it to face the camera, then sat and reclined myself a bit against its stiff back. I folded my arms across my chest and looked with a cold grit at the camera. I probably looked the way my own kids did when they decided to pull the rebel thing. It’s not that I was overly confrontational, but a camera was a statement, and I would make one right back. I stared it down, just hoping someone was watching me live. I wanted my eyes to tell the story—you might have me stuck here, you might control a lot of what I do, and I might even tell you a thing or two about myself, but you’re not invading my privacy. There was a me I would share; there was a me I would not.

After a three-minute stare down, I got up from my seat and rummaged through my suitcase, pulling out a white washcloth. That would do the trick. I walked to the camera and flipped the cloth up over the thing, covering its lens. I brushed my hands against each other in a mocking way. Done and done, I thought.

The camera wasn’t the only reason I felt this place was like a prison. For starters, you weren’t allowed to bring books, magazines, tapes, a radio. No incoming phone calls either. They pretty much had your input covered. From then on, you’d get input from them or from your own brain, and that was about it. And just like in prison, everything I’d need for those twenty-eight days, I had to bring with me—clothes, toiletries, extra money. Well, they did offer things like massages, so cash wasn’t a bad idea. But isn’t that a little like pleasantries to keep shackled people happy? Amazing that I’d heard nothing but good things about the place from my friends. Most of these points I knew ahead of time, but the camera had put me on edge. Maybe the big joke among graduates was to get other people to attend so they’d experience a month of prison too, sort of a hazing ceremony to get back inside with your friends. Looking at my surroundings, that didn’t seem out of the question.

The place was called “Avalon” with good reason. Well, it wasn’t as glorious as the island from the Arthurian legends, where magic was said to reside and where Arthur himself was supposedly healed of a mortal wound. But the place was on an island, relatively hidden from the world, connected to the mainland only by a long and narrow bridge. Maybe half a mile from the center, there was a very small resort community, with a resident population of five hundred year-round, and twice that in the summertime. It wasn’t what you’d call a booming tourist destination, but it had its visitors. A road circling the island connected the community, the Center, and the substantial woods covering the area.

Those woods and this room seemed the only real havens, now that the camera was out of the loop, where I would have some time to myself. The rest of Avalon was made up of common rooms where groups would gather either for recreation or for talking sessions led by the staff. Those were the sessions, I’d been told, when people learned what it meant to open themselves up in front of a bunch of other addicts. And if scrutiny from other addicts wasn’t bad enough, that’s when the staff would direct you to confront all your issues. I wasn’t one to avoid issues, but there are two facts about that. First, you don’t deal with that stuff in front of other people. On that point I was sure. The last thing people need on their path to healing is to have a bunch of others judging them. Second, I had some disappointments about my life so far. But I doubted that any of my challenges really counted as issues, not things that had to be “fixed” by a professional. Pain about some choices I’d made? Yes. A bit of insecurity about who I was? Yes. I wanted to spend time thinking about these and setting new goals. Surely new goals would help point to the “real me,” as my friends now put it. But I just couldn’t see how these could be “fixed” with therapy. After all, a little pain and a little insecurity didn’t make me broken.

I sighed a deep sigh. Like it or not, I was here now, and I had paid to be here. Twenty-eight days. I had better settle in as best I could, so I started to unpack. As I opened my few drawers and started setting in my clothes, I thought about the airport where I’d arrived. At a small bar near the luggage, I had met many of my fellow “addicts” as we waited for our ride to the Center, and I watched in disbelief as many of them chugged down drinks. I said a silent prayer of thanks that, if I had to be surrounded by addicts, at least I wasn’t really one myself. I felt sorry for them, but I was grateful not to be among their ranks.

There were kids here in their twenties, and elders in their seventies—people up and down the scale who had seen something wrong with life and wanted it fixed. There was something positive about that, and as much as I pitied most of them, I also had a small sense of hope. As I finished unpacking my clothes, I smiled with that in mind.

And then I looked up to see a woman staring into my room from the bathroom, toothbrush held in her mouth. I sighed again. Forty-eight years old and I was sharing a bathroom with a perfect stranger who seemed interested in spying on me. I say “spying” because she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at the washcloth over the camera. I pretended not to notice what she was looking at. She walked back to spit out some toothpaste. When I knew she was finished, I went in to introduce myself. “Irene Watson,” I said, hand out for her to shake.

She took my hand but looked sort of absently past my shoulder. “What’s that rag doing up there?”

I shrugged. “A little privacy never bothered anyone, don’t you think?”

She blinked, then looked at me maybe for the first time. “Sure.” She wandered back to her bedroom, and I didn’t learn till later that her name was Gabby, Gabriella in fact. A native Puerto Rican living now in Connecticut, she went by Gabby, and later, I decided it was a good name for her.

Yes, things were off to a terrific start. My best course of action was becoming clearer all the time. Give them some things about me to play with, to feel that they could fix. Show how happy I was to have my problems resolved, and what a different person I could be at graduation. That way I wouldn’t be opening up to people like Gabby, or to people who would put cameras in my room. And along the way, I could make use of the retreat—open up, perhaps, and spend time in personal reflection. Then at graduation, maybe I really would be different. They could let me go, believing they’d made a difference, and I would leave, knowing I had made a difference on my own.
But that’s not how it worked at all.