SECOND CHANCE AT YOUR DREAM by Dorothea Hover-Kramer

Title: SECOND CHANCE AT YOUR DREAM
Author: Dorothea Hover-Kramer
Publisher: Energy Psychology Press
Genre: Mind, Body, Health
Language: English
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“…the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.”
Poet John O’Donohue

Mary and Janet have been friends over 30 years. When they met for a recent lunch date, Janet seemed pale and tense. Mary’s traditional opening “How are you?” was tinged with genuine concern.

“I’m fine,” Janet replied automatically; then hesitantly added, “But I just had a close call on the freeway. Some old fart barely missed crashing into me and I’m still feeling a little shaky.”

To soothe her friend’s nerves, Mary chimed in, “Old fart? Remember, you’re 69 and I’m 71.” Chuckling, they recalled George Bernard Shaw’s saying “Old age is always 20 years older than you are…” and agreed “old” for them must mean ninety –or later.

As the friends chatted and enjoyed their lunch, Janet’s life-threatening incident dropped into the background and her taut shoulder muscles relaxed. Gradually, she returned to her normal self.

Beliefs and prejudices that surround the word “old” will be addressed later. But first, let’s focus on the emotional disturbance of Janet’s near -accident and the cumulative effects life-threatening stressors have. Further on, we’ll also consider ways of changing encrusted beliefs and resolving of everyday issues with the body’s energy resources.

“Out of kilter” for a while or longer

Brief, traumatic incidents are very real human experiences. Often, they leave us feeling out of sorts and imbalanced. Even the most focused individuals will have experiences causing disorientation and distress. In someone who is basically emotionally healthy, such turmoil may soon pass and be forgotten. However, if the pressure is unrelenting, or if the person leads an otherwise stress-filled life, it may take considerably longer to unwind from the shaky feeling Janet described.

If intense stress is repeated often and/or continuously (for many days or weeks) health changes such as high blood pressure, frequent headaches, or fatigue can set in. In addition, emotional disturbances such as ongoing anxiety or a quiet sense of despair become internalized as stressors keep piling up. It’s important to remember there are many dimensions of distress: the more obvious stress is one of too much to do with too little time, while another is the stress engendered by having too little meaningful activity. This results in boredom and underuse of one’s resources. The build-up of either stress and its effects on human energy levels is all too familiar in our culture. Recent statistics report over 75 percent of all physical illnesses are stress-related and that one in three American adults is depressed or anxious. Anti-depressants and tranquilizers are the most frequently prescribed drugs on the market. These figures dramatically increase in life’s later decades because stress has a cumulative effect over time.

All of us have had a jarring experience that left us exhausted and/or in pain for several days… although medical examination showed no broken bones or physical injury. Something more subtle has happened in such instances, not treatable with medication or procedures known to Western medicine. One way of understanding this condition is to say more subtle energies, or the energy body, absorbed the impact of the trauma and, as a result, became distorted, imbalanced, blocked, or depleted in some way.

Understanding changes in energy levels is often captured in popular language. For example, we often may hear statements such as “I feel charged (with energy)” or “I feel depleted (of energy), or “I feel scattered…fragmented… pulled… or… pushed.” These approximate the true condition of the energy body at any given moment.

For most people, energetic disturbance occurs frequently, perhaps several times a day. It can be sensed as a tired, depleted feeling with vague discomfort in the entire body. It can, in fact, be assessed by healthcare professionals who have studied Therapeutic Touch, Healing Touch, Reiki or some of the other well-known other energy therapy modalities. “Energy field disturbance” is recognized as an accepted nursing diagnosis (1) and guides caregivers to rebalance human energies with specific techniques.

Coming back “online”

Understanding energetic imbalance as a distortion of the energy body leads us to seek relevant remedies. For example, people say, “I need to recharge my batteries” or, “I want to refocus myself” or, “I must pull myself together.” While recognizing imbalance and stating intention for relief is helpful, focused activity is needed to renew one’s inner vitality.

Here are two exercises (2) to relieve energy field disturbance such as the one impacting Janet:

Exercise 1.1. Centering
1. While sitting comfortably, release the breath fully with a sigh, or as if you’re blowing out a candle. Do this 2 to 3 times more while imaging stress and tension flowing out through your hands and feet. The in-breath will naturally be deeper as you proceed.
2. Allow yourself to imagine a peaceful place in nature… seeing, hearing, feeling, even smelling it. Let the peacefulness fill your body with light and warmth. Continue to release any tension or emotional distress with each breath.
3. After 5-10 minutes, notice how you feel and jot down any images or ideas that came to you. Notice how your breathing has become deeper and describe any changes such as relief of muscle tension in your body.

Exercise 1.2. The Brush Down

1. As you think of a recent stressful event, set your intention to release its effects. While sitting or standing, take a deep breath and let it go, fully releasing pressure and tension. Imagine giving it to the earth to be healed and cleansed. Again, breathe and exhale to let any remaining tension flow out through your hands and feet.
2. Next, bring your hands above your head on the in-breath and breathe out fully while gently brushing downward above the body, head to toe. Allow a sigh or groan to help release the tension fully as the hands move downward.
3. Continue releasing with each out-breath while brushing with one hand from under each arm, then alternating to the other side. Then, brush with both hands down the upper and lower back, the groin area and the inside of your legs. Imagine you are smoothing the ruffled edges of your energy field.
4. Notice how you feel after 3-5 minutes of this exercise.
Allow yourself to use one these exercises each morning when you first arise to soften the transition into the day. Also, remember to use one when something nerve-wracking happens, such as getting caught in a traffic jam or feeling pressured…Experience will prove which is most helpful to restore your vitality quickly.

Other blocks to energy flow

In the second half of life people often become interested in the lives of famous and/or successful seniors— elders who live a long time, continue being highly creative, seem unshaken by declines in health and overcome incredible obstacles. Are these super heroes? How do they really do it?

Wondering about this, many people notice the futility of their internal pep talks and inability to make goal-setting, positive thinking, friendly advice and examples from the stars work for them. The flow of inner vitality can become impeded in the second half of life unless major shifts occur.

For discussion in this book, the metaphor of energy flowing like a river around and though the body will be used. This flow sends instant communications to vital organs and hormones, regulates cellular integrity and brings liveliness to every chosen activity. Just as a fallen snag or tree can obstruct the flow of a river, patterns of belief and automatic thinking can block the flow of life-giving, inspiring energy. Behind the obstructions stagnant pools build up. Over time, less and less movement occurs as sludge gathers and further clogs the water flow pathways. In addition to energy system disruption by a traumatic event, blockages to psychological energy flows become apparent in the form of limiting or dysfunctional beliefs(3) and repeated ineffective responses to day-to-day stressors.

Interventions to change direction by breaking down or removing impediments are needed. Pete believed in control. As a retired school superintendent he knew the value of structure to contain what he called “the herds of unruly children” under his direction. After retiring from his stressful job, Pete transferred his controlling tendencies to regulating his wife, their joint monies and her participation in the senior community where they lived. He became convinced she was looking for a younger man and even stole the car keys so she could not leave home. She came to therapy to find relief from “Parsimonious Pete.” Fortunately, he also became curious about changing the circumscribed life he had created.

The vast barriers Pete had built up revolved around his core belief that no one could be trusted. The power of this belief caused not only stagnation but also misery. With careful attention to ways of building trust, Pete’s therapist gently let him to find more functional beliefs such as “not everyone is an unruly child…. my wife is trustworthy… I can safely take small steps to reach out to others.” Pete’s therapist then helped him to strengthen the shift in perception by having him touch specific points on his body to release the old patterns and imbed new, more effective thinking styles.

Here’s a sample resource to help shift one of your limiting beliefs by gently holding or tapping some of the body’s energy points:

Exercise 1.3 Changing a limiting mindset

Think of a belief you or a friend currently hold about aging. Rate the truth of the belief on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 means it’s barely true for you, 2-6 means it’s pretty frustrating and bothers you, 7-10 means it really makes you dislike yourself or your friend for believing it).

1. Take a deep breath and release it fully. Think of the mindset in its possible worst format and briefly connect with the feeling generated in you. (Examples, “Getting old is hell… You’ll lose everything.”)
2. Gently tap or hold where the eyebrow meets the nose. If possible, use both hands to alternately and slowly tap this point 10-15 times. Take a deep breath and let it go.
3. Gently tap or hold at the outer eye, on the bony orbit, in the same way while thinking of the belief. Take a deep breath and release fully.
4. Gently tap or hold the point under the nose while thinking for a moment about the belief. Take another deep releasing breath.
5. Gently tap or hold both sides of the collarbone points just below the clavicle near the “notch” in the middle of the upper sternum. Take another releasing breath.
6. Gently tap or hold the sides of the hand, on the “karate chop” points. (If you turn the hands slightly you can tap on both points simultaneously.) Take a deep breath and relax.
7. Sitting comfortably notice any change in the irritation caused by the belief. Now follow steps 2-6 with a more empowering belief. (Examples, “I can make the second half of life as creative and fun as I wish. ..I’m not doomed… I’m the choice-maker..,I can attract the resources I need to help me.”)
8. Rate your relation to the new belief again on your scale. Notice how you feel inside.
In addition to revising long-held beliefs, resolving temporary conflicts within ourselves or with others is a much needed skill. Using resources within the body’s energy system can help to release a negative emotion so the mind is fully available for problem-solving.
Ginny was constantly irritated by the men’s noisy pool table games at her community center. One day she decided she had to speak out on behalf of the many women who enjoyed doing needlework in the same large hall. She began by treating her heart center and affirming she did not need anger to make her point. When she was calmer, Ginny was able to organize her thoughts, gather several allies form the sewing group and speak in a firm, logical manner to the leader of the men’s group. The result was renewed understanding from the men and an invitation to join in the planning for their upcoming square dance.

Here’s a brief exercise to reduce the intensity of a feeling and to clear the mind to help resolve a problem:

Exercise 1.4. Releasing a strong feeling

1. Think of a recent event which generated a strong feeling within you. Rate the intensity of the feeling on a scale of 1-10 (1 meaning not very strong, 3-6 meaning quite strong, and 7+ meaning it really agitates you or even reminds you of a prior life-threatening event.)
2. Bring one or both hands over the mid-chest known as your heart center. Gently move the hands to the left and circle them in a clockwise fashion.
3. While doing so, affirm “Even though _____has happened (or even though ____said this to me) I still deeply and profoundly honor and accept myself.” Repeat several times using your own words but keeping the intention of the message.
4.Continue gentle brushes downward over the rest of your torso and release the offensive words or actions to the earth.
5. Affirm to positive intention you hold for yourself by moving upward with gentle spins from the feet to the crown of your head. Examples, “I speak my truth effectively…I gather the resources I need to face this issue…I deserve to express myself.”
6. Note how your feel in relation to the problem and rate the intensity of the earlier feeling on your 1-10 scale.
Traumatic events, constricting beliefs and strong negative emotions create an imprint, or constriction that impedes the smooth flow of energetic messaging in the body. With the sample exercises given in this chapter you have basic resources for dealing with 3 aspects of the human energy system:
• handling sudden jarring events which impact the whole energy system
• recognizing and revising limiting belief patterns, and
• releasing negative emotions related to current life events and accessing better options.

These tools will be helpful as we explore ways of accessing a full energy life. The intention is to open your energy flow, release blockages, and experience your vitality more fully.
Other than increased oxygen from taking deeper breaths and possible inner calming, you may not notice dramatic changes right away. Like doing an exercise routine or taking vitamins, the effects of self-care interventions may become more evident when repeated regularly over several weeks and months. In time, however, you may also notice increased self-esteem and personal effectiveness. One person who employed these methods for several weeks observed, “I feel as if I can handle whatever challenges come my way. I’m more confident; I don’t feel quite so helpless or unwanted anymore.”

A quick life review

To conclude, let’s engage in a quick life review. Self-discovery is at the heart of change and can guide your non-judgmental, self-caring path to higher levels of well-being:
1.Note what you’re already doing that has engenders a positive outlook and works for you:_____________________________
2. Note the life goals you have yet to achieve:______________________________________
3. Note what seems to hold you back from your creativity and expressing fully who you really are:___________________________
4. Note something irrational in yourself such as unrealistic expectations of yourself or others, dependence on substances to make you feel good, indulging in diversions and “time killers” such as TV, ideos, computer games, or card games:_________________________________________
5. Ask yourself how you usually handle strong negative emotions:______________________________________and how you would like things to improve:___________________
6. Note whether you have retired from life prematurely or settled for less than optimal in your life:__________________________________
7. Note how your handle surprises, upsets, and change:__________________________________
8. Note what you do that brings joy, play and the spirit of laughter into your everyday life:________________________________________

*****
I encourage you to deeply honor and respect your wish for a fuller life. In the next two chapters we’ll explore the theories and science supporting the idea of establishing healthy energy flows in your body. Further on, we’ll look at many ways to establish balance between activity and rest, reaching out and going within, the skills so needed to restore the vital energies of your being.

THE SITTING SWING by Irene Watson

Title: THE SITTING SWING
Author: Irene Watson
Publisher: Loving Healing Press
Genre: Nonfiction; Self-Help; Memoir
Language: English
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It was the damnedest thing that they thought I’d fall for it. A video camera in plain sight, in one corner of my room, pointing right in on everything I’d be doing for the next twenty-eight days. Not likely. I couldn’t figure out why they wouldn’t bother hiding the thing. Even a hanging plant in front of it might have kept me from noticing it for an hour or two. But they didn’t even try, and that was their real weakness as far as I was concerned. Here they were, helping some of the most messed-up people you can imagine, people addicted to just about anything, and they thought if they had cameras watching these people get dressed, watching them sleep, that they would just reveal everything about themselves in an instant?

Some experts. I started to wonder why I’d paid good money to be here. But there it iswe all want to fit in. I had many friends graduate from this utopian little institute, and they all swore it changed their lives. They all used “Avalon talk” as I called it—the catch phrases and jargon used in this Avalon Center. Tiring as it was to listen to their new language, they were my friends, and it was even more of a challenge to be outside the group in that way. So, I decided to call some of my own challenges “addictions” and to make a trip here. Twenty-eight days of dealing with real addicts; then I could graduate and get back on the inside track with my friends.

I pulled a chair out from the small desk and turned it to face the camera, then sat and reclined myself a bit against its stiff back. I folded my arms across my chest and looked with a cold grit at the camera. I probably looked the way my own kids did when they decided to pull the rebel thing. It’s not that I was overly confrontational, but a camera was a statement, and I would make one right back. I stared it down, just hoping someone was watching me live. I wanted my eyes to tell the story—you might have me stuck here, you might control a lot of what I do, and I might even tell you a thing or two about myself, but you’re not invading my privacy. There was a me I would share; there was a me I would not.

After a three-minute stare down, I got up from my seat and rummaged through my suitcase, pulling out a white washcloth. That would do the trick. I walked to the camera and flipped the cloth up over the thing, covering its lens. I brushed my hands against each other in a mocking way. Done and done, I thought.

The camera wasn’t the only reason I felt this place was like a prison. For starters, you weren’t allowed to bring books, magazines, tapes, a radio. No incoming phone calls either. They pretty much had your input covered. From then on, you’d get input from them or from your own brain, and that was about it. And just like in prison, everything I’d need for those twenty-eight days, I had to bring with me—clothes, toiletries, extra money. Well, they did offer things like massages, so cash wasn’t a bad idea. But isn’t that a little like pleasantries to keep shackled people happy? Amazing that I’d heard nothing but good things about the place from my friends. Most of these points I knew ahead of time, but the camera had put me on edge. Maybe the big joke among graduates was to get other people to attend so they’d experience a month of prison too, sort of a hazing ceremony to get back inside with your friends. Looking at my surroundings, that didn’t seem out of the question.

The place was called “Avalon” with good reason. Well, it wasn’t as glorious as the island from the Arthurian legends, where magic was said to reside and where Arthur himself was supposedly healed of a mortal wound. But the place was on an island, relatively hidden from the world, connected to the mainland only by a long and narrow bridge. Maybe half a mile from the center, there was a very small resort community, with a resident population of five hundred year-round, and twice that in the summertime. It wasn’t what you’d call a booming tourist destination, but it had its visitors. A road circling the island connected the community, the Center, and the substantial woods covering the area.

Those woods and this room seemed the only real havens, now that the camera was out of the loop, where I would have some time to myself. The rest of Avalon was made up of common rooms where groups would gather either for recreation or for talking sessions led by the staff. Those were the sessions, I’d been told, when people learned what it meant to open themselves up in front of a bunch of other addicts. And if scrutiny from other addicts wasn’t bad enough, that’s when the staff would direct you to confront all your issues. I wasn’t one to avoid issues, but there are two facts about that. First, you don’t deal with that stuff in front of other people. On that point I was sure. The last thing people need on their path to healing is to have a bunch of others judging them. Second, I had some disappointments about my life so far. But I doubted that any of my challenges really counted as issues, not things that had to be “fixed” by a professional. Pain about some choices I’d made? Yes. A bit of insecurity about who I was? Yes. I wanted to spend time thinking about these and setting new goals. Surely new goals would help point to the “real me,” as my friends now put it. But I just couldn’t see how these could be “fixed” with therapy. After all, a little pain and a little insecurity didn’t make me broken.

I sighed a deep sigh. Like it or not, I was here now, and I had paid to be here. Twenty-eight days. I had better settle in as best I could, so I started to unpack. As I opened my few drawers and started setting in my clothes, I thought about the airport where I’d arrived. At a small bar near the luggage, I had met many of my fellow “addicts” as we waited for our ride to the Center, and I watched in disbelief as many of them chugged down drinks. I said a silent prayer of thanks that, if I had to be surrounded by addicts, at least I wasn’t really one myself. I felt sorry for them, but I was grateful not to be among their ranks.

There were kids here in their twenties, and elders in their seventies—people up and down the scale who had seen something wrong with life and wanted it fixed. There was something positive about that, and as much as I pitied most of them, I also had a small sense of hope. As I finished unpacking my clothes, I smiled with that in mind.

And then I looked up to see a woman staring into my room from the bathroom, toothbrush held in her mouth. I sighed again. Forty-eight years old and I was sharing a bathroom with a perfect stranger who seemed interested in spying on me. I say “spying” because she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at the washcloth over the camera. I pretended not to notice what she was looking at. She walked back to spit out some toothpaste. When I knew she was finished, I went in to introduce myself. “Irene Watson,” I said, hand out for her to shake.

She took my hand but looked sort of absently past my shoulder. “What’s that rag doing up there?”

I shrugged. “A little privacy never bothered anyone, don’t you think?”

She blinked, then looked at me maybe for the first time. “Sure.” She wandered back to her bedroom, and I didn’t learn till later that her name was Gabby, Gabriella in fact. A native Puerto Rican living now in Connecticut, she went by Gabby, and later, I decided it was a good name for her.

Yes, things were off to a terrific start. My best course of action was becoming clearer all the time. Give them some things about me to play with, to feel that they could fix. Show how happy I was to have my problems resolved, and what a different person I could be at graduation. That way I wouldn’t be opening up to people like Gabby, or to people who would put cameras in my room. And along the way, I could make use of the retreat—open up, perhaps, and spend time in personal reflection. Then at graduation, maybe I really would be different. They could let me go, believing they’d made a difference, and I would leave, knowing I had made a difference on my own.
But that’s not how it worked at all.